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How to Get Inside Someone’s Head … and Bed

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My friend J. Michael gave me some sage advice. Since he’s great looking, a former pro athlete and single in NYC, I figured he’d been in and out of more than a few beds (and heads) in his time. He says his grandfather, (a steel mill workin’, Harley drivin’, huntin’ and fishin’, shot and a beer kinda guy), imparted some priceless wisdom that still holds true today. So here goes, some simple tips for both sexes to incorporate into their dating agenda.


Guys learn this:
Cuddles and compliments. Give her what J. Michael calls “cuddles and compliments.” We know men are visual, and women fall in love more with their ears. So learn to say something positive, like “you look adorable in that,” or “I love it when you wear your hair that way.” It’s not hard, and it’s free. Throw in a really nice thing once a week, like leave her a note, pick up wine or flowers on the way over. You’ll thank J. Michael. A lot.


Circulate. Casually dating several girls at once is OK, dating several girls within the same few block radius, zip code, or neighborhood is asking for trouble. Her friends, your neighbors, or the bartender will rat you out. Or, worst case scenario, you could bump into Natalia when you’re with Fredrika. Not pretty.


Give her a massage. Not a physical massage, but a “mental massage.” Try using some big words; women are impressed by intellect, not necessarily intelligence. Meaning they don’t want to date an ass, (but they might want to hook up with somebody that has a nice one!). Intellectual stimulation begets intriguing conversation, so an elegant, creative, original rap will wow her. And, don’t forget, making her laugh is the BEST route to an actual massage.


Love her shoes. The love that dares not speak its name. Guys, please understand most women have an obsessive and delusional love of handbags and shoes. Having ten pairs of black high heels, each one just a tad different, makes perfect sense to her. Not to you. To her. She’ll probably notice your shoes right away, so go the distance and spend some time pulling yourself together.


Wrestle your ego to the floor. Make a real effort to listen to her, make eye contact, nod, and then ask questions. No interrupting. Shut up about your boat, your house in the country, your trust fund, and blabbering constantly about YOURSELF. It’s more attractive to just be aloof, and interested in HER.


Don’t lobby. Just because you’re in a powerful position, don’t connive to keep the relationship going by telling her, “I can help you professionally or socially.” Either a girl likes you or she doesn’t, even if she accepts your gifts, and goes on a few dates with you—if she doesn’t like you, she doesn’t like you. She’s probably sleeping with your personal trainer, anyway.


Women Learn This:
Flatter his ego. Men are, at the heart of it, as insecure as anyone, even though they would never admit it. Throw them a compliment on something they do well, whether it’s moving money or moving furniture around all day. Saying something nice makes them feel great. Maybe it’s their cool jacket, the way they treated your Mom, or how they scored points on the basketball court, dishing out a compliment is so easy and makes them feel like you think they’re awesome.


Guys are visually driven. Look in the mirror. Yah, really look, front back and sides (and not in the skinny mirror that slices off ten pounds). You don’t have to be a supermodel, all women have something beautiful. Guys notice, and their memories are like a vault, truthfully they never forget, so dress accordingly. Eyes, hair, lips, and then the rest. Capture a guy’s imagination, and you’ve got ‘em.


Aim to be happy. When you are happy with you, men are happy with you. If you’re always talking about what it’s going to take to make you happy, just stop talking about it and do it. If you’re constantly whining about losing five pounds to be happy, then start that workout, or better yet ask your guy to help. J. Michael says men are goal oriented creatures, and they love to fix things. And when it comes to arguing, aim to be happy rather than right.


Men tell the truth if provoked. As Jack Nicholson warned Tom Cruise, “you can’t handle the truth.” So be careful when you ask for it, because he might just give it to you when backed into a corner.


Guys are not your girlfriend. So don’t treat them like one. Although the lines have been blurred in recent years, and men and women are BFFs, pals and buddies, etc. please keep super personal details to yourself for a bit, such as grooming rituals, pills you are popping, your progress in years of therapy, etc.


Drop him a line. Devote some time to learning goofy guy stuff like famous film lines such as Wedding Crashers’ “don’t take a turn to negative town” or Arnold’s “I’ll be back.” All guys throw lines around from movies—not sure why they think it’s fun, maybe it’s genetic.


Originally published on Single Edition

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