People joke all the time about sex and marriage. Usually, the joke involves not getting any action. All jokes aside, married couples are having more sex compared to single people. Most sex in marriages decreases because of two reasons age and marital satisfaction. A study of married couples found these two variables to be commonly associated with amount of sex. As couples age, they engage in sex less frequently… across all ages couples who reported higher levels of marital satisfaction also reported higher frequencies of sex (Call, 1995).
What happens in a marriage that leads to marital dissatisfaction and decrease in sexual activity? The answer is simple. Couples stop communicating with one another and, sex has a tendency to become a redundant routine for some. Let’s address the communication. If you want to do something different in the bedroom to spice it up, you should be able to share it. The problem is you’re not sure how your spouse may react to it. There is a fear of hurting their feelings. It is critical for you to lovingly share it in a tactful manner. If you don’t share it with your spouse than chances are you will share it with someone else and that may lead to you being unfaithful. Infidelity has been found to be the single most cited cause of divorce in over 150 cultures (Betzig, 1989). To help married couples get more sex and improve communication I have gathered seven helpful tips:
- Listen. If you don’t listen you may miss something important cues from your spouse.
- Be attentive to their needs. If you know your spouse likes fellatio and all of a sudden you don’t do it. That is not fair. Don’t be selfish. It is not always about you.
- Change the scenery. If you are always having sex in the bedroom. Try it somewhere else. Do it in the laundry room.
- Be spontaneous. Avoid scheduling sex on a certain night. Break away from your routine.
- Make them feel appreciated. Go out of your way from time to time and do something nice for your spouse. Making someone feels special goes a long way.
- Don’t lose yourself in the marriage. If you were an outgoing and fun person before you married. Most likely that is what attracted your spouse to you. If you dressed nice to get him, continue to look nice for him.
- Be understanding. If you don’t get quantity, focus on the quality.
Shuntai Beaugard, Relationship Coach
Betzig, L. (1989). "Causes of conjugal dissolution: A cross-cultural study." Current Anthropology 30(5): 654-676.
Call, V., Sprecher, S., & Schwartz, P. (1995). The incidence and frequency of marital sex in a national sample. Journal of marriage and family, 57(3), 639-652. http://www.jstor.org/stable/353919