He cheated on me. I was devastated. I couldn’t cry enough in front of his computer when I saw pictures of him kissing girls in another country. It felt like all the air was sucked from my lungs and I couldn’t breathe … and even now when I think about it, I still gasp for air. The person who I have loved, respected, and relied on the most had cheated on me. I have never felt so alone in my entire life … and I knew it wasn’t even my fault. It was his.
He has been my boyfriend of nearly three years, but most of our relationship had been long-distance. Even then I knew that our relationship would take a lot of effort to maintain. Every day we would communicate over the internet and twice a year we would meet. I knew our relationship was a good, solid one. I had traveled to see his parents and he would travel to where I live and has met my family. I decided to visit him in Hawaii and stayed over at his house. There would be days when I was left alone, for he would go to work. I found his passport and I noticed that he had visited Thailand the year before and not once did he mention that to me. When he got home, I confronted him and he was dead silent … I can tell from his eyes that he knew he was in trouble. He then told me he met his previous girlfriend and he said that he could no longer be in contact with her. He said he didn’t have sex with her. And blindly, I accepted that story.
From then on, I had become suspicious about him. I then looked at his computer’s pictures when I was using it to email home and saw pictures of him and some girls and he was kissing them. Whatever trust I had left for him became non-existent. All the hopes and dreams I had with him were shattered. I wanted to go home and at the same time, I wanted to drown in his pool. I wanted to leave his house. I remember him saying that he and his friend were just having fun and met some girls at a bar in Thailand … and he wasn’t stupid enough to sleep with them. All he did was kiss them. (Kissing, by the way, is still cheating). All I can think was, that’s all you can think of?! That you were thinking of your own health and not me? Was that how you respected me? Was that how you showed your love for me … by kissing two women in a bar in Thailand?!
The next few days were a blur for me … but I still ended up accepting his apology. I was basically contemplating going back home or going to my mother’s friend’s house and staying there for the rest of my vacation. But I ended up forgiving him and giving him a second chance. I don’t trust him one hundred percent but he knows that the moment he does something again, that would be the end. I believe everybody deserves a second chance, but he has a lot to prove to me before I can truly trust him.
I don’t know why I allowed him back. Because despite the fact that he had hurt me like no one has ever hurt me before, I still love him. And because of that, he gets that one chance … his last chance to make it up to me. But if he does it again, I think life is too short for me to live with a douchebag. Like how the saying goes—fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. So we’ll just have to wait and see …