I Hate That Saying ... But It’s True

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“You’ll find the person you are supposed to be with when you stop looking for them.” Being a forty-something woman who has been divorced for over eleven years, I would cringe when someone with good intentions would smile and give me that infamous phrase. I can’t tell you how many times I would respond with the emphatic, “I am not looking for someone, I would just like to be with someone.” Of course, I knew that I had myself “out there” in the dating world by doing all the things that the professionals suggested: getting on an internet dating site, going to “singles” functions, having friends be aware that you are interested in dating and hopefully setting you up with the “right guy,” attending charity functions or volunteering with something that may attract single men. Needless to say, nothing really panned out and I was actually at the point in my life where I had given up on finding someone that would compliment my life, and I his.

If you have resided on Mars the last few years, you probably aren’t aware of this phenomenon called Facebook. I think the “older generation” has taken over this particular social website and I find myself included. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reconnecting with old friends, classmates and even some relatives that I lost touch with through this site. That is why I am still a bit baffled as to why a simple question has lead me to be in a fantastic relationship with a man from my past.

When I saw this man’s profile appear, I remembered the school-girl crush I had on him back in high school. He was the untouchable senior and I was a measly sophomore. His family and mine knew each other from our past years in private school together; however, we never really associated with each other. When we first communicated on Facebook, it was regarding a question I posed to him and I was unsure if he even knew who I was. He mentioned that he didn’t recognize the photo but knew my name. Talking via instant message was fun and I initially looked at it as a way to get to know someone superficially in a safe setting. As we communicated, the commonalities seemed to stack up and we both were pretty floored by our past histories, hurts, expectations, and disappointments. It was amazing to hear about someone else’s experiences that were so similar to my own. I think we formed an instant bond and it was exciting to learn more about the other. It took us both by surprise when we took the communication “live” and talked on the phone.

There had to be something wrong with this guy. I was listening and looking for things I would be able to use against him so to speak. I tended to be very particular and found myself looking for faults in men before I ever really got to know them, and I was doing this to him. To my surprise, I didn’t find anything that sent up red flags. It was actually so refreshing to hear someone explain their feelings, expectations, and frustrations in a logical manner, it surprised me how fast I came to like this guy. I am not sure if it was our upbringing, family dynamic, religious background or just our common thought process that made me feel okay to have this man come visit me at my home. I am normally extremely cautious and having someone come from out of state and stay with me was totally out of character for me. The only thing I can say is that I felt safe with him and my gut said it would be okay and my gut is never wrong.

I’m not going to say that when we met there was that typical “movie magic” that you might think I was going to mention; however, there was something there that made me not kick him to the curb just yet. I had this little voice inside my head tell me to give him a chance. He really wasn’t my type. If I had a type it was dark and he wasn’t dark at all; I found out he just quit smoking (smoking is a deal breaker for me), and I wasn’t too sure that he was totally done with smoking because he smelled of it, and he really didn’t seem like he would be one to get outside and go do something challenging like hiking, biking, kayaking, etc. I needed to be with someone who could keep up with me and I wasn’t too sure he could do it. 

If I had been a few years younger, I probably wouldn’t have given him a second chance with the recordings of the “perfect man” rolling around in my head. Little did I know, I was looking at the perfect man for me at the time. We had a nice first meeting and then continued to communicate over the computer and phone. I guess I am the type of person who has to be “turned on” in my brain before the rest of me can take over and all the communication we had actually did that for me.

The boy I had crushed on back in high school, turned into the man I am falling for; and I really needed to separate the two in my mind before I could move on with him. He is the most caring, loving, attentive, thoughtful, sexy man I’ve ever known or hope to know. I am so glad I was older when I met him so all my experiences that shaped me turned out to be something that attracted him and made me into the woman I am today. I don’t think we would have been together back when I had the crush, it took our life’s ups and downs to realize exactly what we want in another person and yes, it does happen when you are least expecting it!


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