I Shall See What Is Really There or Pronounce Myself a Moron

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I was sent an email by a girlfriend of mine that she thought would hit close to home and ironically, it did, it was called “Dealbreaker: The Sexless Guy.”(

The sexless guy doesn’t necessarily hate sex, but he is almost indifferent. I don’t want to be the initiator all the time. Once in a while is fine, but there needs to be a balance. With sexless guys, the average lusty girl (or maybe just me) is left feeling like she’s too interested in sex, which left me feeling somehow sullied and dirty (and yet, not laid). So I’m not exactly about to take out a personal ad saying “Wanted: Guy with Libido,” I hope that’s understood, because I have dated enough sexless guys to last a lifetime.

I found the article so truthful and hit so close to home it isn’t even funny. I have had to initiate everything in all of my relationships and I’m tired of it!

I was watching a pointless hot-chicks drama-llama show today while I studied. I realized … I am more attractive than half the girls on this show.

I’ve never thought that about myself before in my life. I have always been the bottom of the barrel in my opinion because when a girl who is a walking toothpick is considered drop-dead amazing hot, and when a girl who doesn’t need a bra because there are no boobies to hold is sitting pretty on the cover of Vogue there is no chance for a girl with curves.

Thus, I thought, “It’s okay for your partner to never come onto you, it’s the natural order. You are that ugly duckling that never became a swan. I can’t blame him for not wanting to tap it.” I am realizing that is all sorts of bullshit and it’s not my fault at all! I am attractive! I just apparently have a magnet attached to my back for guys who don’t give a shit about getting laid after the first three months.

Therefore, from this moment forward let it be written and forever remembered:

I shall never be in a relationship where a man does not want to tap my ass on a regular basis. I am attractive and if you don’t think so … Piss off.

The want to tap my ass must be told to me in some way, shape, and/or form because I will not beg for sex ever again from a partner. (There are a few circumstances where this would be okay.)

I will only be told no to sex so may times before I say no to you. If the threshold has been crossed and if I am in a committed relationship where sex has occurred, I expect sex to continue. Too many nos will now equal a goodbye.

Sex is an amazing, healthy, beautiful thing. There is nothing wrong with shagging at all. I personally believe a shag a day keeps the doctor away. Or at the very least, an “O” a day.

I will never again in my life settle for a guy who doesn’t want my heart, my brain, and want to see if it is possible to make rabbits step back and say:

“Woah … That’s getting a little excessive …”



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