So I proposed to my ex recently. He said no.
That shmuck. Who wouldn’t want to marry ME!
Okay, perhaps posing it as a hypothetical question, on AIM, four years after I dumped him (three times) and hoping to god he’d say no—prevents me from being too brokenhearted over the rejection.
He did inform me that he “won’t marry anyone” in an attempt to console me. How considerate.
So what provoked this? Well you know, as single women we have to consider our options. We all have that imaginary ledger board in our heads with the “potentials” in our lives. Be they former-not awful-exes, friends who could one day be more, the guy in the office you are crushing on, or the movie star fantasies. I just decided I had been dwelling over one particular ex long enough and wanted to know what was what. The conversation went something like this (mind you, we are pretty good friends now but live about six hours apart):
X: So, I was wondering something the other day, and now the idea is kind of stuck in my head, so I thought I’d just throw it out there …
X: Well you know, it occurs to me from time to time that I would consider marrying you, do you ever have those thoughts?
X: Well I just wanted to know if it was something that ever crosses your mind.
Long pause …
Y: I’m not marrying you.
I won’t say it didn’t smart a little, considering he seemed so resolute, but I was quite relieved when it was all said and done. At this point in my life I’m trying to figure out where I want to settle down and finish schooling and initiate my long term career. Now I have one less variable to consider. Life simplified.
Maybe you read this and thought to yourself, “This chick is nuts.” Maybe I am, but I needed some clarity. Hemming and hawing over people in your life is no use if they aren’t interested in you in the same way. I think it’s important that we, as women, take the bull by the horns from time to time. If he said yes, would that mean we’d be walking down the aisle in a year? Most definitely not, but I did appreciate the information.
Sometimes I think a helpful exercise for women is just to pretend that men don’t even exist. This is especially helpful if you are the type to constantly relinquish your thoughts, power, and ideas to your man, pretend he isn’t there and make those decisions yourself. Imagining there are no men on the planet removes the pressures to find the right one or jumping through hoops in an attempt to keep him. It allows for an intense focus on the other things in life that we have to enjoy: great books, great music, hobbies, girlfriends, families, goals, and dreams.
Where would your focus be if you stopped thinking about men?