Wow didn’t think I would be here again. Having these feelings of jealousy when it comes to you is part of a trust issue I developed when we first broke up. Not knowing whom you’re talking to on the phone or the internet is driving me crazy and hurting my heart to the point were I hold back the tears.
I don’t understand how it seems that it is so easy for you to move on this time around. I do know that I wanted us to work because I believed that my love for you was enough to make me push aside all those bad feelings of mistrust. Easier said than done I guess. Now I am left with the same pain in my heart and a feeling of loneliness that I had the first time.
Going day by day as if I don’t care for you is not my intention but it helps me deal with all this hurt inside. Once you leave this time I know deep inside it will be for good and you are going to hear less and less from me as days go on. When you decide to call I will not be answering each time only because I will know that when I hang up you will return to a life without me in it.
They say that time heals all wounds, but is that also true for fresh wounds on old scars? We have our differences for sure and we may see the world with different color glasses but what attracted us to each other in the first place? It has been so long since I have asked myself that question that I have forgotten the answer. It took me a couple of years to understand myself and the person I have become without you and decided that it was time to share this person with you.
I convinced myself that you would be happy with this newfound person and maybe even learn to love again. But my intentions were selfish and for that I am sorry for I was only thinking of how my life would be complete and not how it would affect your life and your world. Many times
I have wanted for us to get closer and closer until we were one. Never really knowing what it was you wanted from me I was left to assume that your wants were the same as mine. Foolish me. Now as the day nears when you will no longer be a part of my world but part of another I will not be looking to the future but will be living day by day until I can love someone again.