Having children is a wonderful experience. Growing up, getting married, and having a family is what we all dreamed of when we were kids, right? Our dreams soon turn into “it’s your turn to change the diaper,” easy-grab dinners, and working overtime just to pay the mortgage. Okay, so not everyone has this exact experience, but I think I am pretty close. The sexual heat, the lust, the daily devouring of each other soon fades. The excuses barrel in: “I’m too tired,” “I have a headache,” “I don’t feel good,” “I need to get some sleep,” etc, etc, etc. There is a natural block of affection after all our dreams come true. How do we fix it? What can parents do to bring back the passion and the lust?
I have been through many trials, tribulations, and late-night work hours just to come home and clean the entire house. I have slept three hours and started my day to the sound of crying and the usual to-do list. I have been exhausted and to the point where I don’t even want to be touched.
It took a long time for me to realize that going without sex was actually wearing more on my relationship than the kids and finances combined. The lack of sex with my man was ripping us apart. We had so much tension built up, and who would of thought, if only we knew that sex is exactly what we needed. That time together, the freedom to caress each other naked and play around, to cuddle, snuggle, and make love. This is what we needed. We had to find the time to release with each other.
We have four children. Time is not always on our side. It gets harder to sneak off to the bedroom for a quickie as our children grow older. Babysitter … what’s that? It’s tough, but not impossible. We talked about finding ways to improve our time together and get what we both needed, each other. Soon we were having late-night rendezvous, experimenting with sex toys, and finding new places to turn up the heat.
We began taking a shower together every night which gave us a good thirty minutes of alone time to do as we pleased. Often we teased each other and sensually caressed one another under the hot water. By the time we hit the bed we were ready to attack each other. There we were ripping our clothes off and flying under the covers for our midnight snack. I think when we decided to buy our first sex toy together it opened up a floodgate. We were addicted. After that first experience with our newfound friend we found excuses to hide in the bedroom and play with it. We found adventure in something so simple.
After a short time we realized that taking the time every day to pleasure each other took away the stress from every day. The one thing that we were avoiding was now what we couldn’t go without. Excitement was found in never knowing where, when, or what we were going to do next. Would it be the shower, the table, the couch, the bed, or the floor? Would we play with lotions, oils, candles, and toys? We began setting up special surprises for each other. I would lay chocolates across the bed and then treat him to a late-night massage with body snow and luscious licking as I fed him delicate chocolates. Each day was a treat to each other.
Sex after kids is not impossible. Pampering each other can be done. Sneaking around like teenagers is a must and trying new things is never wrong. Many people make the same mistake we did: being tired and just rolling over to go to sleep with no affection. Bottling the stress up and then lashing out on each other. Not knowing what can be done to fix things. The worst thing a couple can do is lose the passion and the ability to pleasure each other. It is unique and all its own. The pleasure we give our lover is a power greater than any late bill, fast meal, or stress. It is the key to releasing the pressure from everything else in life. Never let sex disappear. Never lose that connection. It is when that connection is gone, that all else begins to fade.
It took us a long time to figure all of this out. I am sure many will disagree. The fact is that we started as physical attraction and full of lust, and keeping that alive is what keeps a long, fulfilled relationship alive. We all dreamed of growing, getting married, and starting a family when we were kids, right? Now that our dreams have come true, we must fight to stay passionate, try new things, and never forget that our pleasure is a key to keep the flame lit.
Originally posted on EdenCafe