I am very interested in hearing from women of all ages in reaction to the story I have to tell at the ripe old age of seventy-two. Tell me how you think you’d react and deal with this issue if it happened to anyone in your family; you, your mother, your sister, your daughter, your grandmother etc.
I have been married nearly fifty years to the same man. I was twenty-four and he was twenty-nine when we married in the 1960s. About five months after we met, I got pregnant. We were both delighted, or so I thought.
Several months ago I accidentally discovered that my husband had been calling a woman (Her name is Ow) he knew before meeting me. Their child, I’ll call her number one, was born about three months before he met me. He knew she was pregnant and told her he would not marry her because she had lied to him about her marital status when they were involved. Her husband adopted number one. My husband met her just once when she was eight. He never told me anything about this until last winter.
Now he has told me that he slept with Ow once during our marriage when she had asked him to come and meet number one. Ow was divorced at the time. He swears he never saw her again until 2007 when Ow contacted him regarding personal problems the now forty-eight year old number one was having. My husband flew across the country to meet with both Ow and the child and gave number one a large sum of money even though he says no one asked for it. Number one is single, healthy, and childless.
Since 2007, until last winter when I discovered the phone bills, he has talked with Ow at least once a month. He swears he has no romantic interest in her and has not seen her since 2007. He swears he did not have sex with her in 2007. He says he was calling her to find out about number one who never returned his calls.
When I asked him about the phone calls, he lied to me and denied knowing whose number it was. So I called the number and talked to Ow. Of course then he had to tell me the truth (or so he says) and said he was “protecting” me by not telling.
I am beginning to heal now and two of my three children have met their “new sister” and like her. I have no problem with her existence whatsoever. I would love to know how she really feels about being ignored by her real father for so long, but since she had a strong father figure she seems to be ok with it.
I am sympathetic with the choice my husband had to make all those years ago. But I cannot trust this man or believe anything he tells me now.
In closing I would like to offer this piece of advice: know your man!