The Universal Law of Attraction states that like attracts like; what we think about and feel about the most, at the deepest level of our being, is what we will attract into our lives. This is true, even when we don’t like what the Universe is handing us.
When it comes to romantic love, it’s a little more complicated. Here’s how it works to the best of my knowledge so far.
1. We will attract a partner who has the same degree of self-love that we have for ourselves. Whether your partner is self-critical or insecure, he or she is a reflection of how much (or little) you love yourself.
2. We will attract a partner with the same core wounds we have. This one’s easy, because we all have the same core wounds: ”I’m not lovable, I’m not worthy of love, I’m all alone in the world.” However, there are many flavors of abandonment, abuse, neglect and general lack of love. Our partner’s flavor will match our own.
3. We will attract a partner with the same core traits as our primary caregivers. Unfortunately, this goes for the traits we don’t like as well as the ones we do.
4. Until we learn the lesson and heal our own wounds, we will continue to attract different partners with these same traits. We won’t be able to discern this at the beginning of each new relationship, so we’ll dive in heart first. Then we’ll blame our partner for not meeting our needs, or for having unrealistic expectations that we will meet their needs.
Thinking that if you change your partner, your problems will go away is magical thinking (i.e. wave a magic wand and everything will be fine). Any problem within your relationship is a problem within yourself. Your partner is the best person to show you parts of yourself that need to be healed. If you’re willing to face that and explore what it means, you can make powerful changes in your life.
To simplify the entire process, I have this advice. Be willing to dive heart first into your own heart. Explore all the nooks and crannies, all the shadow and all the light. Own it all and be willing to either love it or change it. Then lead with your heart. Let it be wide open, even if you might get hurt. It’s better to live with an open heart and chance getting a bruised ego than to never open your heart.