I thought having LDR, or May-December relationship, was tough enough; not until I got into not one, but both.
Dealing with LDR
People say that LDRs are difficult, not to mention the lack of physical contact, which is indeed an essential part of the relationship; communication challenges, especially if you are located in different time zones among other factors.
Being nine thousand miles apart and a thirteen-hour difference is not easy, but thanks to technology I could still connect to my man from the other side of the world. We chat over weekdays and schedule to spend six to eight hours talking every weekend. It was not constant initially due to our extremely busy work schedules (both of us are workaholic, spending twelve to fourteen or more hours a day at work and still check emails and solve issues on weekends). At first, he used to call me from his phone almost every day for three to four hours, but we decided that it wasn’t practical to keep it that way. It takes commitment to really plan on how both of us keep our communication to cultivate our relationship. We’ve been geographically and physically apart for almost a year and both of us are determined to keep our relationship despite being far from each other, thus I can say so far, so good. As long as both of us are willing to sacrifice something huge or small (e.g. sleep, work, errands, etc.), LDRs can definitely work. It just depends on both parties; if we really want to make it work, and of course do the work itself. For some cases, absence makes the heart grow fonder. We let the desire build and once we’re together again all the magic happens.
An extreme May-December (or should I say January-December) affair
Okay, for me, this is tough mainly due to public scrutiny. I know I shouldn’t care about what other people will say as long as I am happy. Yeah, sure! Actually, not for me . . . well, I’m still thinking. If we can just be in a place where no one knows us and we will disconnect from the rest of the world, that would be divine. But of course, we have our families and friends, so that can’t be possible . . . at least for now.
I’ve always lived a life full of expectations from almost everyone and most of the time exceed them. Always on the top academically, morally, and set an example to other people in my age bracket by their own parents. Of course, I am imperfect and often get really frustrated when something turns out wrong or not according to my plans because at the back of my mind I always think, what will people say about me?
Although I try not to think too much about other people’s opinion, especially my family, it is just inevitable as I have lived like this ever since. And now, I am in a May-December relationship. What will people say about me?
So how huge is our age gap? Just about twenty-three years. I know, that is really overboard for most people and some will think it’s insane. I get it. I know how the society considers this kind of relationship and I can’t blame them or be angry with them; that’s just what society has taught us as norms and when someone breaks away from the norms, he/she is considered an outcast. I am twenty-three and he’s forty-six. Yes, I am young enough to be his daughter. Sounds gross to other people as they relate it to having a relationship with one’s father; incest is a taboo. But then, I don’t see him as a father figure. It would have been different if he had children, but no, he is single, never been married, no children (he’s extremely careful and into safe sex).
I have always been thinking about people judging our motives towards each other. A typical judgment would be, the younger woman digging gold from the older man or the older man taking advantage of the younger woman’s youth. Honestly, neither is the case, as far as I know. He’s not rich and still works hard to live. I am the least person who wants to ask help from anyone and have considered myself independent.
But people will still make their judgments no matter who or what you are. I can’t go on explaining what is and what’s not. So, a better way to do it is to keep on examining myself if I really want to be with him for good (pray a lot for enlightenment, it’s very important) and second, if I can live with people who may be talking trash about us.
These two things are not the only factors of course, but about public scrutiny, I know I have to deal first with myself. I cannot do anything to change or control other people’s views, but I have the power to control mine. After all, it is my life, my choices. First rule: Take charge with your own happiness. Second: All is fair in love.