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Lesson Learned

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Sometimes, you have to learn to listen to the advice of others, and take it. That was a hard pill for me to swallow and it seemed to be the one I wanted to resist the most. After all, I had been married for seventeen years, divorced for twelve, and old enough to have learned from my mistakes in the past so, I knew what was right for me, or so I thought.


A random inquiry to a high school friend about her brother-in-law started a communication with a man I “knew of” but really knew nothing about. He and I grew up in the same town, went to the same schools, church, and sporting events; however, he was two years older than I was and “out of my league.” We both had married, raised children, divorced and vowed we’d be single the rest of our lives. Until that inquiry of mine.

In today’s age of internet technology, I was able to re-connect with my close high school friend on one of those social websites. She mentioned how proud she was of her brother-in-law who was going to be riding his bike across the U.S. to raise money for Multiple Sclerosis. When I inquired if he would be riding through Colorado, she gave me his email address and told me to ask him myself. So, I did. We then started an email communication that quickly lead to daily phone calls. We talked about everything. I think we both felt “safe” and it was nice to have a male point of view that didn’t think I was “off the wall” with some of my expectations of men in relationships and visa versa. I looked forward to the conversations and we didn’t miss a day for three months.

I can say now that I fell in love with his mind because even with Skype, we decided not to see what the other looked like until he came out for a visit. Both of us knew something was there between us mentally so, we agreed to meet and see if we had the attraction to each other in person as well. Needless to say, on the day he was supposed to arrive, I was nervous, excited and scared all mixed into one. Then he stepped off the plane. This wasn’t the man I remembered from our school days; nor, was he as fit as I assumed he’d be. I was a little let down to say the least, but my head told me to stop being so critical and remember our conversations.

It turns out that we had a nice time together and I thought there was basically a potential for a strong friendship. He thought different. My daughter commented on how wonderful he treated me and that I deserved someone that cherished me; however, I kept sticking to the “just friends” mentality to be safe.

He completed his bike ride with many obstacles and adventures and that showed me he was a man that will do what he says. Many times during the ride he just wanted to stop, but he didn’t. I was in communication with him the whole time since he didn’t have any support team with him. Little did I know, he was proving something to me, as well as, to himself during this ride. I liked the feeling of working as a team, him relying on me and trusting me completely to guide him correctly. That is when I gave him another serious look.

After the ride, he came out to Colorado to be my date for my daughter’s wedding. I was so busy with the details that I really didn’t give him too much time; however, he was absolutely fine with that and got to know my family members better. Everyone told me that he was someone that truly cared about me and they enjoyed seeing me being treated so well. Specifically, my sister and daughter told me to “give him a chance.” So, when he told me he wanted to move to Colorado, I told him there weren’t any guarantees. He told me he knew what he was doing and moved anyway.

After he was out here, he began to show me that he would do what it took to be with me. I wanted to be with someone I could enjoy hiking, biking, snowshoeing, adventures, kayaking, learning, and living a healthy lifestyle. He was onboard in a heartbeat. Gradually, he worked his way into my heart and that little feeling I had to “give him another serious look” was something I am so glad I listened to. Taking it slow and learning about the other has proven to be the best thing we could have done. It feels like I’ve been with him my whole life. We are comfortable, secure, and happy just being around each other.

I’m also proud to say we will be married in October of this year. I can definitely say, I learned to listen to my heart, even though my head was telling me something different.

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