Life at Fifty: How to Sleep with the Same Man for Thirty-two Years

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September twentieth my husband and I will be celebrating our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Looking back I can’t believe it. I’m so proud of us. And let me tell you it was a lot of work! Of course like everyone else we’ve had our ups and downs and in betweens. There were some really rough times, mostly in the earlier years that included issues with money, work, kids, and even infidelity. Not to mention the three DUIs my husband decided to get before he stopped drinking and driving. And of course there were wonderful times, like when we got married, the births of our children, holidays, vacations, and our sex life.

Sexually, the first twelve years were very exciting. We were hot and heavy most of the time. We could easily go two to three times a day, almost every day. And I’m not talking fifteen minutes and it’s over. For my husband forty-five minutes was a quickie. It’s a wonder we ever got anything else done. Early in our relationship I was a rather insecure, somewhat uptight person. But deep down there was definitely a kinky side that was scared to death to come out. That was probably the best part about us sexually. He was not the least bit uptight and he was very kinky. So slowly but surely he brought the true me out. He introduced me to dressing up for him, toys, porn, bondage, and a bit of S&M. He even got me to try a threesome a few times. Which turns out not to really be my thing. But hey, at least I can say I tried it. We had sex in the back of a limo, in an apartment hallway, on a beach, in a lake, and the list goes on. Just thinking about those days gets me horny all over again. We had an absolute blast.

But then we started to grow up and be responsible adults. And the funny thing is that the ups and downs are nothing compared to the day to day tedium. I think that’s the worst part, when you’re so busy that you become “human doings” instead of “human beings.” You get so busy that you don’t have time for yourselves or each other any longer. The majority of your conversations are about what needs to get done, who needs to do what, what’s for dinner, what kid did what to whom. And sex? Are you kidding? Who has the time, or energy, or even inclination for that?

And then there’s now. It has taken a bit of work to get where we are now, and we still have a bit of a ways to go. At first when our youngest moved out it was like we were strangers living in the same house. I mean, we both still loved that stranger, but we really didn’t know how to communicate any longer without four children in the middle. We didn’t know what to say to each other. So for several months I sat here at my computer, half the time quietly crying because my baby left home, while he sat watching television. We only said what was needed to each other. And the only intimacy we shared was a little peck in the morning and a kiss good night, followed by the usual “I love you” and “I love you too.” We still meant it, but we forgot how to communicate it.

What the hell happened? This was/is the man that I love with all of my heart. Our sex life had always been amazing! We were the best of friends. I have known him since I was sixteen and he was nineteen, that’s the majority of both of our lives. Why was it like this? This was supposed to be the time in our lives that we were waiting for. You know, when the kids are driving you crazy and you can’t get away, you say to each othe, “When they grow up and move out we’ll … ” Along with all of this, we weren’t getting along very well. The only person I had to look forward to coming home and spending time with me, had nothing but negative things to say to me. I became so depressed and SO lonely! I thought my life was over.

Then one night I had had enough. I sat him down and said, “Listen! I love you! This is the time of our life we were waiting for! I’m miserable and this is going to stop!”
So we talked … a lot. And we decided to work at getting back what we had once upon a time. We started planning date nights. I remember on our first date night, my husband said that there really wasn’t much to talk about because there wasn’t anything that we didn’t know about each other. So while we sat on the couch enjoying a few drinks I decided to start a conversation about things I had never told him from when I was young. Which gave his memory a jump start as well, and he shared things I didn’t know. We laughed and laughed and had a blast. And realized there was still much to learn. The night ended with us making sweet love and sleeping in each others arms. That was the beginning of now.

Another hurdle we had to overcome is that we both felt we knew everything about each other sexually as well. During those busy years when we did have sex it had become very predictable. It was still good but the fireworks were gone. And let me tell you, for us, that really sucked! We both loved experimenting and trying new things. My husband didn’t think there was really much more new to try. When we were younger most of the ideas were his, so this time I took the reins. Hmmm, reins sound like good kinky fun. Sorry, back to what I was talking about. It was a bit tough at first. How do I compete with a past like ours? And some of those things I have no intention of repeating. So I started with taking what I already knew to a whole new level. Like dressing up again, but more creatively.

Did you know that PetSmart has some really cool dog collars and leashes? And that Wilson’s leather has some great driving gloves, cheap? I introduced a bit of shock value as well. I used to be pretty hesitant about going into sex shops. So one Saturday, I drove us to one and boldly went in and starting picking out things I wanted to use for the evening. Sometimes I would text him during the week while he was at work, telling him how hot what he did to me the night before was, or hinting at what was to come that evening. And I started hanging out at Edenfantasys and other Web sites and reading books, trying to learn some new tricks. SEE! You can teach an old dog new tricks. I even have a “how to do a lapdance” video tucked away that I haven’t used yet and he knows nothing about. I think I’m saving that for our twenty-fifth anniversary night. I’ve definitely been stepping out of my comfort zones and pushing my boundaries again. But isn’t that where the thrills are? I know for sure that’s where the best orgasms are. So where are we going from here? I don’t know. But the possibilities are endless.

It’s really a good thing that we don’t know what we have to go through to get where we are. Because if someone had told me thirty-two years ago what it would take to get here, I’m not sure I would have done it. And that is sad. I would have missed so much. I love my husband. He is my best friend, my soul mate. I could never imagine life without him. And even now, it’s kind of scary. Scary that another person has the ability to make or break your heart like no one else can. Scary to know that some day we won’t be here, we won’t be together. I hope and pray that is far far in the future. But thank God I have no idea what the future holds. Otherwise I might not want to go there.


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