A Love Letter: Saying Goodbye

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I know you said goodbye, but please read this.

I am sorry I failed you. I would move mountains to take away the pain you feel. My heart broke when I hurt you; who I was died that day. I wake up every morning and the impact of what I did to you, the amount of remorse I feel, hits me so hard I can’t breathe. Everyday I feel almost crippled with sadness for the hurt that I imagine you are feeling because of me. Not a minute goes by that I don’t think about you. You were my motivator, my support and my love. I appreciate that beyond what I can put into words.

I remember the text, but I did not get it that night. Somehow a part of me knew that you knew what I did as well. Even if I hadn’t I loved you and I was not about to have you live with a relationship founded on dishonesty. So I told you and I lost you.

Know that I still can’t fathom not being able share life’s successes and accomplishments with each other. This is the only life that we get to live. It is not something that I can comprehend, to live from today into my grave, without ever seeing you again. You are right the past cannot be changed, but there is no command that it must define the entire future. I can’t help but hope one day the path that you are walking away from me on will lead you back to me and we can start as new people in new lives and leave the past to the foolishness of youth.

My heart is yours and always has been since the moment I told you I loved you. I am sorry that I have not shown it as I feel it, especially in my actions. I’m sorry that I failed you with the ultimate betrayal.

Regarding where things went wrong, I think that it was just me who was not ready. I was naive and I didn’t know how to be a woman instead of a confused girl. I broke up with you because I had an epiphany that day, I saw the person I was letting myself be towards you and I did not like it. I wanted to give you a break from the stress I had been putting on our relationship with my childish jealousy and I wanted to be able to teach myself to think differently.

We both were changed by what happened, but I am still the person you fell in love with. I have grown a lot, I have learned a lot. I will move on with my life, but I can’t move on in my heart. He did not win. You are the only one I ever wanted.

I love you, I always will.



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