Love is hard to find.
Once you find it, make sure to take good care of it.
Me? I guess I am not ready to face another relationship for now.
I’ve been in a long relationship since last year. We were able to handle the said relationship, but let me tell you one thing. It is a long distance relationship, but we weren’t able to see each other or shall I say, we’ve never seen each other’s faces.
Just for you to understand it properly, we have a “TEXT” relationship.
We encountered courtship through text, saying I LOVE YOU through text too or sometimes through phone calls.
Even if we have this kind of relationship, I was able to love him deeply as I expected. I didn’t expect that I will fall in love with a guy whom I didn’t see.
I was able to hear his voice, how he laughs, when he gets angry or being jealous, but his facial expression? Never.
Everyday I am thinking how does he looks like when he smile, when he is mad or when he is jealous? I am excited every time I am thinking of him. I felt so in love during those days.
What I am doing just to picture out what he looks like is that, when I have him on the phone, I will close my eyes, hug my hotdog pillow and think of him. In that way, I was able to picture out that he’s with me. That he is my hotdog pillow, that I am hugging him, kissing him, and touching him all over.
I am a desperate woman.
I kept on asking him to arrive and see me; he also kept on giving promises. Just promises, since he wasn’t able to do that. He can’t come and visit me; he can’t sacrifice even just for two or three days.
Oh by the way, the travel time to reach each other is approximately ten hours of travel. Just enough time if you love a person, right? But he wasn’t able to do that. He didn’t do anything to be with me. Still, I continue hoping that one day he’ll knock on our door and surprise me for his visit.
There is one day that I decided to visit him, but I changed my mind and tell my self that he is the one who needs to do it first. So I just waited for nothing.
He promised me that once he got his separation pay from his old employer, he’ll visit me, after two months and the said money was deposited to his account, he didn’t come.
But since I love him, I still wait. I keep on telling my self that he will come and will surprise me. I keep on telling my self too that this guy loves me more than I love him because that is what he keeps on reminding me.
On our eleventh month, he informed me that his uncle will arrive to Manila (thirty minutes away from me) and his mom will go to Manila to wait for his uncle. He mentioned that her sister will also join his mom in welcoming their uncle. I felt so excited because he can also go with his mom, stay in Manila, then I will go to manila to be with him because they will stay there for two days. That day comes and I really can’t wait for his text informing me that they are already on their way to Manila. I texts him and ask him how he’s doing. He said he’s not feeling well, so I asked if he’s just okay. He said that he’s just fine and ready to go to work. I was surprised! He supposed to be at the car but what the hell is he saying that he’s ready for work?! I texts him again to ask what he is talking about. He replied saying that her mom didn’t woke him up, when he woke up he just saw a letter left by his mom saying that they didn’t woke him up since he is not feeling well.
I am totally disappointed during that day. That was Saturday, January 9, 2010.
I wanted to cry that time but no tear wanted to fall from my eyes.
I didn’t reply to his message.
January 10, 2010, Sunday, his birthday, supposedly we are planning to be together (because we want to do something: lovemaking). I sent him a text message, I just greeted him happy birthday. Aside from that, I also told him that I do not want to stay in the so cold ‘relationship’ that we have. He’s at work by that day so I didn’t receive any reply from him. He just sent me a message right after he got home; he’s asking what I mean with my message. I just said that I want to stop everything that we have, after several discussions, he said OK.
It broke me into pieces.
Up to now, I didn’t receive any messages from him, not counting his message for his mom that was accidentally sent on my end.