Marital Language

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For anybody that’s been married awhile you learn that married people have their own language. Not only do you finish each others sentences but together you form one complete thought. The following is one such example.
Husband: Yesterday I was walking and … Honey help me out here. I was walking… and?
Wife: You were walking in the park.
Husband: Yes. That’s it, park. I was walking in the park and… and…
Wife: You saw a squirrel.
Husband: Of course! I saw a squirrel. That’s what I told you. Looking at the squirrel I sat on a bench and I remember clearly the sun was in my eyes (you didn’t remind me to wear my sunglasses.) I fed nuts to the squirrel. I used to be able to eat nuts, but now I can’t because of my IBS. I used to love nuts. Remember how I used to share my nuts with you when I got a banana split?
Wife: You loved nuts only as an ice cream topping. You would order a split with two spoons. I was lucky if I got a few nuts. You weren’t as generous as you remember.
Husband: Well, anyway, getting back to my story. I was in the park feeding the squirrels when what’s her name comes along and sat beside me.
Wife: Who’s what her name?
Husband: I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you?
Wife: Give me a clue.
Husband: She was tall and wearing a thing.
Wife: A thing?
Husband: Yes. You know a thing. It goes around her head.
Wife: A hat?
Husband: Of course, a hat. Well, when she sat and started talking to me in that strong, southern accent of hers she reminded me of that actress we like. Oh … what’s her name?
Wife: Paula Deen?
Husband: I didn’t know Paula Deen was an actress.
Wife: She’s not, but she’s southern and has her own cooking show.
Husband: Restaurant. Don’t forget she also has her own restaurant. Talking about Paula reminds me you haven’t made your world famous chicken pot pie recently.
Wife: I’ll make soon.
Husband: When you do leave out the things I hate.
Wife: What things?
Husband: You know, the green, round things that I always pick out.
Wife: Peas?
Husband: Bingo! I hate peas. My mother used to make me eat meatloaf, mashed potatoes and peas (couldn’t have one without the other.) I tried feeding them to the dog, but even he didn’t like them. I got punished when my mother found a pile of them under the table. Some dog, traitor!
Wife: Oh, I spoke to your mother earlier and she told me she ran into you at the park while you were feeding the squirrels. She invited us for dinner tomorrow night and is making a new recipe she got from Paula Deen. It has all your favorites – meatloaf, mashed potatoes and peas. She said she told you all about it at the park.
Husband: Oh! Just like I told you – yesterday at the park I ran into my mother. So, tomorrow we’re eating at her house. Now, what do you say we run and get a dog?


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