"He Wants Sex All the Time"

Sean was always pushing Patty for sex. She resented his bedroom bullying but never said no, and retaliated in other ways. Can a couple survive such a serious sexual stalemate? Can this marriage be saved?


Her Turn

“Why Can’t He Wait For Me to Make the First Move?”

“My husband can’t get enough in bed. You’d think that after nearly 15 years of marriage, Sean’s libido would have cooled, but no — he still wants sex every single day. Sometimes, I’m too exhausted from working and taking care of the kids to be romantic. But the few times I’ve told him I’m not in the mood, he’s pestered me and pouted until I gave in. Even in the middle of the night, if Sean gets the urge, he’ll press himself against me or fidget until I wake up. 

“It upsets me that I can’t say no to my husband. But I’m also angry at his pressure tactics. Why can’t Sean ever wait for me to make the first move? It’s not that I don’t enjoy sex — he’s a caring and generous lover — but I just want to do it on my terms sometimes. I’m so angry that I don’t feel emotionally connected to him anymore. 

“I was 18 when I was introduced to Sean by a friend. I felt instant sparks: At 20, Sean was kind and more sophisticated than the other guys I’d dated, and we came from very similar backgrounds. I fell in love with him fast. 

“Four months after we met, Sean talked me into having sex. I was a good wait-for-the-wedding-night Catholic girl who wasn’t emotionally ready, but I was afraid I’d lose him if I refused. Afterward, I felt guilty and mad at Sean for being so pushy. From then on, he expected us to do it on every date. I didn’t like that, either, but I never complained to him, because everything else in our relationship was going great. A year later, we got married.

“The early years were rocky, in large part because we were just so young. Sean worked long hours in his family’s wholesale plumbing supply business, and I was finishing my degree, so we didn’t spend much time together. Two years into our marriage, I’m ashamed to say that I had a one-night stand with a guy I met on a trip to New York. I’m the one who initiated it out of loneliness and boredom, but I felt dirty afterward.

“I immediately broke off contact with the guy, but over the next few months he sent me cards — one of which Sean found by accident. When he confronted me, I cried and promised that I’d never cheat again. Sean was so heartbroken that he threatened divorce, and I didn’t blame him. However, while we were weighing our options, I became pregnant. We hadn’t stopped having sex during this rough patch in our marriage — and we decided to stay together for the sake of our baby.



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