Moving On

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Moving on from what comes to mind, as there has been so much to move on from these past couple of years. From my mom dying of ovarian cancer to my ending a long relationship/marriage that had so many peaks and yet some really, really deep valleys that I finally had to face the truth. From learning to live on my own, as I never really took the chance, from learning how to date as I never did that before either. And none-the-less, coping with three terrific kids and their stability during this time and a career and financial crises, notwithstanding. I had a lot on my plate and the Superwoman strength it took every day to look at my life and “get on with it” was at times, overwhelming … (Can I say UNDERSTATEMENT?)

Therapy has and continues to be an important piece of my healing, but that old nagging feeling of “Jesus, why can’t you take care of this on your own … “ tends to be a powerful voice that is soundly cut off and sent away as quickly as it comes. My friends … my friends … they have been my safety nets as they have listened, cried, supported, suggested, defended and loved me and mine through these years of moving on.

And I HAVE. I have become an independent woman. That woman who I always knew was inside but for many reasons was hidden deep within the places she needed to be. But now? She isn’t afraid to RISK. She/I understand that one is not in control of everything.

Some things must slide—and now they do. I do not have a perfect boyfriend, but you know? I am my own strong woman when I am with him and an unconditional love and respect is there. My children talk about “Mom and Dad” like we were still together—and yet understand that we are not. Which is huge; this means we did it. They see us both every day; they hear our respect and love for each other and yet they know Mom and Dad aren’t married.

So moving on … I’ve done it. I still feel some anxiety, some bits of stirring that can be uncomfortable, yet isn’t that how you learn? Isn’t that life? You really can’t get better and keep getting stronger if you never change and transition. And so, while I still may hurt and I KNOW I’ll have more change and uncomfortable transitions in my life, I believe that I am NOW the best I can be and I look forward to getting even better.


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