My husband just began his first corporate job as a computer analyst. Since the day he started, I’ve been hearing about another computer analyst who works there. Apparently she’s fit, pretty cute, very nice, and quite successful. From what I understand, a lot of guys are after her. I got all of this information from him before I met her, and he even mentioned that he thought she might be interested in him.
He soon stopped talking about her so much when it became clear that I was feeling insecure. This girl is young, single, attractive, and successful, whereas I’m still in school and my husband has to support me financially while I’m finishing up my last semesters. He’s mentioned the possibility of his company sending the two of them off on business together, and just yesterday, he told me about a conversation they had about a gynecological problem that she’s having! When I questioned him about why she talked to him about such a personal issue, he acted as if I was being overly intrusive.
I feel that this woman is crossing the line. I’m not sure if she’s really interested or if she’s just looking for a friend, but I know that what she’s doing is making me feel insecure and angry. Am I just being paranoid? What should I do?—Concerned Claire
Dear Concerned Claire,
Whether or not you’re just being paranoid—though I must say, I can’t imagine any woman wanting to share a private gynecological issue with a man at work—something about your husband’s relationship with this other woman is making you feel uncomfortable. While it would be easy to simply assume that this woman is crossing the line, something your husband is doing is giving her permission to do so.
Without being emotional or demanding, explain to your husband that his relationship with his co-worker is making you increasingly unsettled. Tell him that you want him to be friends with the people he works with, but you also need him to understand the situation from your perspective—try giving him an example of what the reverse would look like if you were to suddenly befriend a classmate. Depending on his reaction to this conversation, I think you’ll know whether or not you can let things go or if this is a bigger issue.
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