My Love

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I’ve been married for twenty years (and have a nineteen-year-old daughter), but it is a marriage without love, and my husband is my first experience so I didn’t know anything about what love is all about or what happiness means. I was living in a country where nobody speaks a word of English, so I decided to buy a computer and explore the internet and see what life is outside the place I live in. It feels so good to find people who speak the language I know and understand, and I found so many friends in the chat rooms and my days became so full of life because it is so exciting to talk to other people and receive an e-mail from them that I can relate to and vice versa.

One day, I decided to go to a dating site and explain myself in my own words and what I want for a friend (my husband and I had no more intimate relationship on that time), and I received so many responses and out of those e-mails that I received, I became interested in one person because he is so much like me and we are compatible in everything. We exchanged e-mails, phone calls, and that is the first time I realized what is lacking in my life that is—love. I learned to love him and he loved me in return with the same intensity on both our sides even though we are 8,000 miles apart but that didn’t stop us from loving each other.

When I first met him, he was a widower for six years and has one daughter (his wife died in a car accident) and he is always away from home so his mother-in-law takes care of his daughter while he is assigned in a place so far away from his home. Our long-distance relationship continued until he tells me that he is going to marry the niece of his mother-in-law for the sake of the green card (his in-laws are in political exile and they are in the U.S. to avoid persecution) and he tells me that as soon as she get the green card, he would divorce her so we could get married.

In the hope that he would change his mind about marrying the niece of his mother-in-law, I decided to see and meet him in person and I am not mistaken by my feelings because I really love him and I do feel that he loves me as I love him. I became his best friend and soul mate but unfortunately, he still continues to follow the request of his mother-in-law because of what she has done for his daughter. I told him that I would wait until the time that he can divorce his wife and if that happened, I would divorce my husband so we could get married. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I cannot imagine my life without him.

The years have passed and we continue our relationship, but I discovered that he is lying to me (his mother-in-law’s niece is in fact, the sister of his wife who died and he didn’t tell me that his wife got the green card already but still he remains married to her). He tells me that he would divorce his wife in time when his daughter enters college so if that happens, he would not worry about who would take care of his daughter. I always believe him and tell him that I would always wait for him anyway. I cannot divorce my husband right away because of my daughter and I promised my mother-in-law that I would take care of her (she is eighty-five years old right now) so, it is a matter of waiting for the right time to be free totally to our responsibility so that we could be together in the end.

My only wish in life is so simple and that is to be with him for the rest of my life but it seems that it is not a simple wish at the moment. I don’t know if I could continue to wait for him or wake my mind and forget about everything we had together. We’ve known each other for a very long time (almost nine years) and my feelings for him didn’t change a bit and I know that he feels the same for me but do you think that we can have a future together? I don’t want to lose him and throw what we had together.


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