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New Relationship – Over Forty

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It seems like a good idea at the time. You’re single, open minded to someone new in your life and mentally young enough to want to take the plunge into the dating arena. However there are some potential hiccups along the way …


What are you looking for? Depending on your marital history that isn’t an easy question to answer—most of us could honestly say that we are not looking to repeat the same mistake(s)—easier said than done. 


I joined an internet dating group, free. I was covered up in emails or messaging things which I never did quite figure out. What a strange world. Nonetheless, the point was to date and get myself back out into the world.


Date #1 – I was stood up. When I arrived back home with steam coming from every orifice of my body I jumped on line to see what happened to this idiot. Apparently he has gotten cold feet. Like a moron I gave him a second chance. I’d rather not talk about it. If I ever get to the stage in my life when a mobile home looks attractive, or a pick up truck with headlights on it bright enough to start a traffic jam, I would consider such a date. Again, I’d rather not talk about the date that finally took place. Needless to say it was a full scale disaster.


Date #2 – This fellow and I talked on the phone for a week before meeting. I had his number, meaning he didn’t have a wife hiding in the closet and he talked to me in the presence of his teenagers meaning he was actively pursuing dating. He wasn’t the most exciting soul I’d ever encountered but I was bound and determined to have an open mind. Our first date: he has streaks in his hair. If I were twenty and so were he, I would likely think this was appropriate. He is fifty. It’s silly. I soon discover he has the depth of a puddle which doesn’t suit my depth reaching to the middle of earth somewhere. I wrote him a Dear John note before he got home.


Date #3 – A found a musician. I’d never encountered one before. He also wrote poetry I didn’t understand. No one can understand poetry; it’s simply a diary in verse form. Anyway, we went on date, dinner in fact. It was dark (my excuse) and I could barely hear what he was saying over the Irish band playing nearby. Stupidly, I agreed to another date. To make matters worse (which you can’t see yet), I decided to meet him at his home to get a really good idea of who he is. This is a good plan on paper. I mean if you’re ready to start a relationship (which I wasn’t) one should see exactly what one is getting into. Well, I certainly saw—an absolute nightmare.  I don’t recall the exact moment that he wanted to kiss the ground I walked on but it was about an hour into the meeting. I was huddled up against the woodstove, both for warmth and protection. My cell phone rang and for the first time in my life I was glad to hear from my teenage daughter who wanted to be picked up from my mother’s house. He gave me a promise ring of sorts with a skull hugging a crystal ball and mentioned how he longed for my return. Gawd.


Date #4 – Yes, I did actually work up to another date. Believe me I was all for calling it quits. Then I decided to not be my usual doubting self and go for it again. This time I braved putting my picture on line. Yes, all the horrors previously described can actually happen without anyone knowing what you look like. My new acquaintance worked for the government, a new one again for me. I had this stereo-typical cast in my mind. I was so wrong. 


We also talked for a week on the phone. He planned our date meticulously. Our first adventure was to be go cart racing. I had never done that before. Fair warning, you are required to not only wear a helmet, but a hair net. After that we went on to mini glow in the dark golf then to dinner at an expensive Greek restaurant. He was charming and enthusiastic. After dinner we opted to play pool (I hadn’t done so in twenty years) and then back to his house. We kissed for eight hours. Between my going home (an hours drive) and coming back again, we basically had a five day date.

It’s ten month’s later and he’s lived with me for eight of those months. He’s wonderful. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for him and proud of my courage for not hiding under the covers after Date #3.

Keep at it gals, he is out there waiting …

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