My husband and I have just celebrated our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary—yay for us, right? I don’t know about that. We are both in our fifties now (early fifties by the way), we have been together for over half our lives. I just sat looking at him over our celebratory, mandatory, expected dinner, thinking “Wow, now what?” And no, I was not thinking about having sex later or what dessert to split, I was thinking do we stay together now for the next twenty-five years if we both live that long?
Our children will be all out of the house in the next year—we will be alone. Am I looking forward to that? I do not know. Is this pre-empty nest syndrome? Maybe. For the first twenty years of our marriage, it has been the kids, the kids, the kids! You, as a person, barely existed. Sure, we did things for ourselves—and as a couple—to reengage and rejuvenate ourselves. But, this was so we could go back into the battle of raising five hopefully decent human beings and that is tough. Somewhere during all that, our partnership has been frayed, tested, and pulled apart.
A lot of life has happened to us in these twenty-five years. Real hardcore life—not all “Ozzie and Harriet” style life. There has been the death of our parents, financial stressors that were epic, illness, births, vacations, and sadly a betrayal of trust. Our marriage has been hit from all sides and yet it still stands. That has always been my choice to fight for it, to keep our family tight. No matter how flawed it had been at times, we have prevailed.
It is just now I wonder “Now what”? Do I stay with this man who has hurt me deeply at times, but who is also is the same man who fell to his knees in tears to ask for forgiveness all those years ago? Do I stay with a man who has made me laugh so hard I have peed my pants or do I leave the man who has made me cry so hard I vomited? I am quite sure similar thoughts are going through his head as well. His are a little different: do I stay with her because she is the mother of my children? But, geez, she is heavier and her boobs almost reach her belly button. Do I stay with a woman at one time spent money like crazy or do I stay with the woman who begged for one more chance to show she is mature enough to handle the finances?
So you see, we are at a very big point in our marriage career. We both have pros and cons to consider. But, I think in the long run we will some how figure it out and push through this phase as well. Marriage is full of surprises and disappointments. Both parties in this one has made major mistakes and also have made major personal triumphs. Our children have come along on this ride and they are doing well despite all the knocks they endured along our way. We will all stick together and ride out the question “Now what?”. The future for our marriage and family will hold more of same life experiences we had in the past, but I am just going to take a deep breath and push forward with my husband. Who I know is taking the same breath and pushing the same future. But right now for this moment we both agree tonight’s split dessert is of course is tiramisu.
