November 16th. It’s almost here. A night that will forever be etched in my mind. There is no going back. How I wish we could. How everyone wishes we could. It was up to us, you and me. The guilt sometimes, so overwhelming. Had no clue how it was for you. Wish I had. Wanted so much for us both to be able to just move on. Why was that so hard for you?
Three years and I still can’t move on, guess I understand now. Didn’t want this to be the way though. Did I really not want to be with you? No! I just couldn’t be with you the way we were. So insane, me and you. Yet, I miss you so much. I think about you, sometimes it is so much beyond my control, and am not sure what to do with it.
Our music, wow! How I love to listen to it. Can’t seem to stop. What I wouldn’t do to have one more day with you. To see you smile at me. To acknowledge the love we had. Just to tell you I love you. To dance, how i miss the dancing. I am not afraid of dying anymore. I want to see you again, and I know that is the only way. I don’t want to die, but just am not afraid anymore. You have changed that for me.
I am so sorry for not acknowledging you worth in this world. You were worthy; you just didn’t believe it. Your kids, how I wish I could help them. They are so lost! You just left! Decided to check out! Why would you do that to them? I understand the getting back at me part, but they didn’t deserve this. How I wish you were here for them.
You know, it seems almost impossible that you are gone. Sometimes I can go back in my mind and it’s as if you are still here. I close my eyes and there you are. Still here. You and me, figuring it out. Then reality kicks in and it kicks my butt. Puts me right back to November 16, 2006. How that day will forever be etched in my mind. I love and miss you Rich, so very much. Forty-four—rock on Baby! You walk with me in this world. I will see you again someday!
Always and forever,