Open Marriage: An Ongoing Daily Diary

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Something about presenting an idea to your wife that is surreal makes you feel like a five-year-old child. I was trying to save my marriage, our family, and what I thought was my whole life. I was putting all of my eggs in one basket. I was extremely nervous. I felt she wanted excitement back in her life. I felt she needed some much needed adrenalin. She was addicted to it. And the only way to solve her needs was to offer it to her.

After thinking about the idea, I thought it might be something that would be interesting. Could I be with another women? Could I be in another relationship if it was based on friendship and sex? If I went through with this, sooner or later I was going to find out. We sat down outside and I spilled my idea to her. I told her I understand what she needs and that this may be a good idea for both of us. Her answer, “You are grasping for straws.” Okay, at first I failed. I felt that she was indeed in love with this guy. I felt that nothing was going to save us. I was back to zero. Over the next few days we talked the same ole talk that brought us around full circle. There was only one saving grace … she did not want break up our children. She wanted a divorce but this was her stopping point. I think I caught her early enough in her new “emotional” relationship (so she says she never had sex with him … maybe one day she’ll come clean) where she didn’t figure out the particulars of how to do it. She did not expect me to find out. She did not have any plans financially, and I don’t even think she had a solid promise from him to get a divorce from his wife. At the moment she just knew that she probably wanted one. After a few days she agreed to try. I could see that the idea grew on her. I think she finally understood that this is what she really needed in her life. She wanted and needed to meet other people.

For the first time in weeks, we were on the same track. Our train was going in the right direction. And we made solid rules to keep it there. First of all we agreed that divorce was not a possibility. We agreed to meet and possibly have sex once per month. We agreed that we would be home before our children wake up. We agreed that falling in love with someone else at this point was not a good idea for both of us, but I would be stupid to think that this would never happen. This was a possibility I would always have to face. I will list the rest of our rules in the next article … and I would love for you to leave any comments or suggestions about them.

Now finally to last Saturday. We both went to our favorite bars once again. Unfortunately, this time she was on call and wouldn’t you know it she got called in right away. I was disappointed and on my own. I danced with a few girls but nothing promising, and then Rachael showed up. She was a beautiful blonde of about thirty. Her body was impeccable! There wasn’t an ounce of fat on her. Her clothes were perfect for her and the top of her thong underwear sneaked out every time she moved. For some unknown reason, we hit it off right away. We danced a few songs especially a few slow ones. We hung out well together and after a few drinks and a few hours, I went for it and kissed her. She immediately reciprocated without hesitation. I don’t think I have ever been kissed by a girl the way she kissed me. My wife is a great kisser but after the years it has become a mundane task for each of us, and there have been times where we have passed up the lips and got right down to it. Our hands were all over each other. Her ass was like actually putting your fingers on a million dollar Picasso. There was something about meeting someone for the first time and the adrenalin that pours out of every cell in your body.

I understood what Summer needed before I met Rachael, but something told me that I was really about to know from A to Z. During one of our slow dances, she leaned into me and said, “You need to take me home … right now.” I said, “Um … excuse me … what?” She said again, “Please take me home.” I gave her a smile but kept right on dancing, believing she did not mean what she had said. Rachael was not going to take no for an answer. She danced closer, and closer. We were surrounded by other people and she took advantage of this. She took my hand to her breast … and I knew she meant business. I was now at the line. Should I cross? Should I break my vow to Summer? Should I go way beyond what I thought of myself? This was not me! I loved my wife with all of my heart and soul. I have never done anything to even question my loyalty to her. What would she say if she saw me with Rachael? If she saw me pawing her breasts and grabbing her ass, would she come unto the dance floor and save me from Rachael? Would she finally realize that our marriage was something sacred, something precious “that no man or women should ever come between”? I was definitely at the crossroad! Should I choose self-respect, or divorce? Should I chose a life without my kids, and be punished for her change of heart by paying her lots of money? I was definitely at the hardest crossroad of my life!

I just got called in. Tomorrow, what happened and a list of our rules …



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