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Orgasms: Having Them, Faking, or Doing a Little of Both?

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I’ll never forget the following story as long as I live.


My husband and I were on a boat trip with a bunch of our friends, and someone brought along this game called Sex for Dummies.


This was one of those conversational-type games where everyone turns asking questions from a card, and then people are supposed to answer them truthfully. As you can probably tell by the title, this game just happened to be all about sex.


So we’re sitting around the table having a margarita or two and playing the game, and one of the questions was about orgasms, and what you need in order to have one.


One of my friends, bless her heart, went into this long explanation about how if her husband kissed her in just the right spot on her neck, then she would have an orgasm. The other women who were playing had similar stories to share.


Then it was my turn. To say that I was uncomfortable was an understatement. I just wanted to crawl into my stateroom. I felt like I was the one who was the real dummy. I remember making a joke like, “Boy, do I feel dysfunctional here,” because I knew there was no way these things would ever have that kind of effect on me, and I really didn’t know what to say.


Actually, what I wanted to say was are you kidding me?! To me, there was just no way what my friends were saying was true. I mean, if it was true, then so be it. But in all of my years of having female friends, not one of them ever said that she could have an orgasm through a kiss on the neck. I hope for her sake and her husband’s too that it was the truth, but I wasn’t buying it.


The truth of the matter is, 80 percent of women can’t have orgasms through sexual intercourse, let alone a kiss on some magical spot on the neck.


Of course, while my girlfriends were busy earning their Academy Awards for acting, our husbands were listening quite intently to what we were saying. I mean really, you should have seen the looks on their faces—talk about your shock and awe! They were sitting there looking like “I have the most sexual women ever.” It was like sitting with a bunch of King Kongs.


Here’s what I’d love to see happen: when we end up playing a game like Sex for Dummies, we’d feel confident enough to give a tactful yet truthful answer about what works for us in the bedroom, and our husbands would truly feel like the king of the jungle. What do you think?

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