The Perfect Man vs The Perfect Man for Me

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I just broke up with a boyfriend. We dated for about a year. He is in the middle of a divorce and has been going through the process for two years now. It’s ugly. They have two young children together. I had never dated a divorcee (or soon to be divorcee), and avoided men with children at all costs. I would never even consider it, but I decided to give it a try.

I played mommy part-time, I loved the kids, and my family welcomed them as well. My boyfriend is a good guy, although he did leave his wife for another woman and has been married twice already. However, at the age of thirty-three he still is a good guy.

Now I know you are reading this and rolling your eyes, or laughing and thinking to yourself, this girl is such a fool, but it’s true; he’s just a good guy. He told me he loved me every day. He stood by me when I was going through major problems with my family and I know if I were him, I would have run for the hills. He is great with his kids. He’s just generally good-hearted.

We started looking at houses last week. We talked about marriage and we made plans for the future … but I just couldn’t get away from this feeling in my gut. This feeling was telling me that there has to be something more. I’m thirty-two years old and I have never been married, and have no children. I have dated, I have been engaged, and I’ve lived with men, but I’ve never been convinced that they were the one, so I’ve left. Now I’m sitting in front of my computer screen wondering if the one even exists.

When you get to a certain age, are you supposed to abandon that hope for the butterflies in your stomach, dizzying kisses, talking until dawn while cuddling under the covers relationship, and just settle for the “good enough”, reliable, comfortable, and simple relationship? Sure, it may lack depth of understanding, the conversation may be limited, the sex may be mundane or mechanical, and you may never feel totally fulfilled, but at least you have someone. It’s easy!

I see people all around me settling down and in my opinion, most of them are settling. They are settling for less than they deserve, less than they hoped for, or less than they ever even knew before they reached that magic “I must get married now” age. Most married couples I know are just living, day-to-day, void of the love they once felt, or thought they may have felt, once upon a time. Looking at all of these blah relationships, I come to wonder. Is is time to settle, and settle down? Would that really be so bad? Don’t most people do it?

Now I am alone. I don’t have my adopted family or my easy relationship. I don’t have the daily support I became so reliant on. I don’t have my weekends filled with arts and crafts, time with the kids, or anyone to go to the park with. I don’t have anyone to sleep next to, and I just noticed how cold it is getting outside. Soon it will be Thanksgiving … then Christmas … New Year’s Eve … is this what I get for sticking to those damn fairy-tale ideas (ideals) most girls are raised with? Is it time to give up on the dream? Is it time to settle, or will all of this pay off in the end? It’s not good, but maybe good enough is the answer.


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