Playing in the Mud

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I don’t recall ever being specifically accused of being afraid of “commitment”, but I am sure many women have thought as much about me. A woman may invoke that statement when a man won’t commit to her in an exclusive relationship up to and usually including marriage. I call that kind of commitment “commitment”, specifically isolated with quote marks

Telling me I have a fear of “commitment” is tantamount to name-calling. I mean if you can’t or don’t want to understand someone’s point of view, or if they will not agree with you and you can’t get them to change, or they just flat piss you off and you can’t do anything about it, then you call them a name. I do it routinely when I am behind the wheel, but I’ve never called the guy who just cut me off a “commitment-phobe”.

Myself? I’ve been committed. I AM committed. I am committed to my career, to my pursuit of jazz, to my house, my rentals, my tenants, and my community. When I take a class, I am committed to it until I see it through. I was committed to my son while he was growing up, and I would be more committed to him now, if he would ever commit more to himself, or if he asked me to.

It has been commitment that made me get through college, save for retirement, NOT wreck my credit, pay off my truck, pay all my bills each month, remodel my condo and then my house. It’s commitment that gets me out of bed every day and sends me to work. There are other examples. I WAS committed to my wife and marriage – for a while, anyway.

I am quite familiar with commitment, so if I am ever accused of having a fear of “commitment”, I shall be compelled to put it into context. Instead of attempting to defend myself and risk an argument that goes something like “Am not!”—”Are too!”—”Am not!”—”Are too!”—I shall ask the lady to use her imagination.

Imagine a glass of drinking water sitting on a table. Does that image scare you? My guess is “no”. Would you drink it? Sure. It’s just water and you could probably use a drink anyway. Now imagine that same glass filled with mud. Does that image scare you? Again, my guess is “no”; you have no fear of that image. Okay, so would you drink it? No way! And neither would I! That’s how I feel about “commitment”.

No, I am not afraid of “commitment” (in quotes). I simply find it repulsive.


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