Sexpert and relationship expert Dr. Trina Read encourages the use of sex toys to recharge a lackluster sex life. Incorporating toys in the bedroom can transform your ho-hum sex life into a mind-blowing experience. You just have to know how to suggest this bedroom adventure to your partner. “The worst thing you can do is surprise your partner,” says Read. “Don’t buy a sex toy and then surprise them in the bedroom. This is a time where you need to talk to your partner about it.”
So, before you whip out the newest addition in your sex arsenal, Read suggests finding an article (like this one) or going to an adult store together to explore options. “Men, not all, get intimidated,” says Read. “Instead of being, ‘Oh, our sex life sucks,’ say, ‘This looks like a lot of fun.’”
Keeping a positive attitude about using sex toys will only make the experience more inviting. Men are mostly intimidated because when they think of sex toys, they think of larger-than-life dildos that they can’t compete with. Read suggests finding a sex toy that works for both of you. Rather than making him feel like the odd man out, using a couple’s sex toy makes him a pleasure provider and receiver.
Two ways to go about finding the right sex toy for you is to shop online or go to a brick-and-mortar adult store. Shopping for an item together acts as a bit of foreplay, so have fun with it. Read suggests going to a store and checking out the merchandise. The typical adult store has shifted from its creepy '70s dark room approach to a more modern and elegant appeal—making it a pleasant experience.
If you prefer a less public venue when shopping for your sex toy, opt for an online store. Be careful not to fall into the wrong sites with all the wrong products. “You have to be really careful about the quality of your product,” Read says. “Just because it’s a lot of money, doesn’t mean it’s good.”
If you’re unsure where to start, we’ve done some digging. We have three couple-friendly vibrators to get you started. These sex toys are a bit on the pricy side (upwards of $150), but can you really put a price tag on the big "O?"
1. We-Vibe 3
This is Read’s personal favorite, mostly because it’s a barely there toy and sends pleasure to both partners. “It doesn’t look like a sex toy,” Read says. “It’s easy to use, and both man and woman are getting a lot of satisfaction out of it. … The We-Vibe is really quiet and easy to implement in your lovemaking. It’s the perfect couples choice.”
It also puts us at ease knowing We-Vibe is a waterproof, body-safe and eco-friendly sex toy made from 100 percent medical-grade silicon. Of course, wondering what it’s made of will be the last thing on your mind—especially with two hours of playtime on a single charge.
How it works: This is a dual-action sex toy, not only because your partner gets in on the good vibrations, but also because it hits the G-spot and the clitoris at the same time. One prong of the We-Vibe is inserted into the vaginal canal and the other rests on top of the labia and clit. If you’re wondering how this toy and the real deal is going to fit, don’t fret. With the help of a water-based lubricant, you’re ready for a smooth ride.
Why we love it: There are nine—yes, nine—different vibration settings. So, if you’re looking for a slow and seductive session with your honey, try the throb setting. If you want to ante up the action, opt for the cha-cha setting. With its whisper-quiet vibes, you won’t even know it’s there.
2. Minna Ola
At first glance, Ola looks just like any other sex toy that vibrates and penetrates, but after closer inspection, you may want to reconsider. The engineer behind Minna Life’s Ola wanted to be able to control the pleasure ride. With this rechargeable and waterproof adult toy, get ready for a wild ride under the guidance of your beau’s helping hand.
How it works: This isn’t your standard vibrator with multiple settings. Ola uses brand-new squeeze technology to create vibrations. The hand-held portion of Ola responds to your pressure and pattern for the ultimate experience. The harder you squeeze, the more Ola vibrates. This gives your partner complete control over how much pleasure they want you to experience. Let the teasing begin!
Why we love it: Not only do you control the vibration, you can record your favorite pattern. There are two buttons on Ola: One for power and the other acting as a Play/Record button. If you find a rhythm you like, press the record button and it automatically stores that pattern for customized pleasure. Customized pleasure? All together now, “Oh, yes, please!”
3. Zini Deux
Even though this egg-shaped gadget looks like one toy, it actually splits into two, making it the ultimate his-and-her sex toy. The design of the Zini Deux is extremely non-threatening and it won’t make your partner feel insecure. Instead, this adult toy places the pleasure-setting in their hands—literally. With five multi-speeds and its quiet pulsations, the easily held half gives your partner the freedom to explore the curves of your body. The only downside to this sex toy is that you can’t go exploring under water. While its velvety texture and food-grade material is safe for body usage, it’s best to keep this one on dry land.
How it works: Each shape of the toy conforms to the male or female body. The concave half (his) is perfect for cupping the balls or hugging the penis while sending feel-good vibes. The convex half (hers) slopes to meet the clit. But those aren’t the only places to put a little pressure on. Find what works for your partner and where their “O” zones are located, then dial up the vibrations and let the good times roll.
Why we love it: You put it where you want your partner to feel it. Whether you’re cradling your partner’s love sac or he’s hovering over your lady lumps, the exact location of where you feel the thrill is completely up to you. This is truly a team effort and it gives you the chance to discover what your lover does or doesn’t like. It’s like hunting for treasure, but without your clothes.
If you’re not sure about trying out a sex toy just yet, Read suggests taking baby steps with a sensuous lubricant, then go from there. “Start out with the basics,” says Read. “Get a lubricant. All sex is better with it—hand jobs, intercourse, sex in the shower. Build that into your sexual repertoire. Try lube and massage oils—non-intimidating things that you can purchase together.”
If you thought playtime was for kids only, it’s time to reconsider.
To get the most out of your sex toys, read these suggestions from Dr. Read.