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Waylaid by Braids

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Braids are all the rage on runways around the world. Crown braids, side braids, and braided chignons get our vote for chic; but old-school pigtail braids? The jury’s still out. The 4-Way, our panel of resident dating nonexperts, weighs in on whether this trend is all style or all playground.

The Gay Man’s Perspective: Darren Maddox
Is it a braid? Is it a wicker basket? Is it a braid? Is it a wicker basket? You decide. This trend baffles me, and I’ve decided to name it the Wicker Weave. What the hell? I can see where the side braid might be good for a naughty school girl or sexy teacher fantasy, but in my humble gay opinion, no grown woman needs to revisit her youth by displaying a braid of any sort. It’s just sad. As for the image of the braided beauty here, it looks like a deranged hamster climbed into her hair and tried to nest. No wonder she looks pissed!

The Straight Woman’s Perspective: Rebecca Brown
I have to say, I’m weirdly fascinated by this particular pattern of braid—it’s kind of haute Gone with the Wind—and if I could figure out how to do it, I would. I might command Francesco to soften it up a little (because in my braid fantasies, I don’t do my own hair; someone does it for me, natch). Maybe a side part and a side braid would make it feel less severe, or possibly the addition of some wispy pieces around the face. Also, I think a smile goes a long way when you wear braids (yes, I’m talking to you, model in the pic).

As for pigtail braids in general, they’re probably way verboten for a girl my age, but I still think a couple of softly braided tails are cute and a little bit flirty with the right outfit (which is probably not yoga pants and a hoodie, my out-of-office outfit of choice).

The Lesbian Woman’s Perspective: Jody Fischer
Dress ’em up, dress ’em down, braids will always remind me of two images from my childhood: One is Laura Ingalls Wilder frolicking down the country hillside in that cotton smock dress on Little House on the Prairie. The other is the ever-popular braided buns that Carrie Fisher adorned on the sides of her head in Star Wars. Who thought that one up? They look like old-school headphones.

So, ladies, if those are the images you’re going for, get yourself all braided up. Otherwise, the only thing I want to see that’s braided is a loaf of challah bread.

The Straight Man’s Perspective: Chris Kennedy
Why do women get so bored with their hair? Have you ever heard a guy say, “She’s a nice-looking blonde, but I wish she’d put a few strands of Barbie-car hot pink in her flowing mane”? Or “I hope she over-products and blow-torches her hair so thoroughly that it has the warmth and texture of the floor of a movie theater”? Or “Could you chop your hair off to resemble an eight-year-old boy’s?”

This braiding trend is only a continuation of this unnecessary fussing. Why do ladies consistently alienate their suitors by attempting to fix something that isn’t broken?

The answer is an enigma wrapped in a tight braid!

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