Inevitably, in my coaching sessions with women the question gets asked: “How can I love and connect deeply, but still stay true to myself?”
It as if we are going in two directions when we enter into romantic relationships; we intend a divine connection, but we also want our sacred individuality. We dance between these desires, often frustrating ourselves and our partners.
If we go the solitary route, never fully giving of ourselves, we miss the joy that comes from true connection, dedication, and devotion. If we choose only to connect with others’ minds and bodies, we miss the deepest form of connection, that of the heart. Inevitably, when we open our hearts, as A Course in Miracles tells us, “Love brings up everything unlike itself.” Those who don’t want the messy, murky, vulnerable aspects of open-hearted love, never get the real goodies either.
The story of Noah’s Ark is one of joining two by two. We can’t enter the “ark” unless we are joined with a brother. This is not a superficial joining; this is a joining of deep love, reverence, and respect.
We want to have the boundaries of self, but we don’t want to be impenetrable. We may want to have a “check-in person,” such as a coach, to help us discern if we are staying true to the commitment to self while connecting deeply with the beloved. Staying connected to the divine, through meditation and prayer, becomes de rigueur for the spiritual person in a relationship. Our primary relationship is with God. When we are clear about this, our relationship with our beloved becomes a metaphor for this divine relationship.