You are a young woman, driven by passionate desires, and not yet ready for commitment and the big relationship. Your selection of toys is exhausted from overuse, and you need the real touch of another person. Reading through countless online dating sites no longer interests you, and your free time is tonight—not next week, or in a month’s time. Perhaps you should be considering the advantages of a quick affair, an exploration of forbidden fruits, a one-night stand without the burden of commitment.
Since time immemorial, the one-night stand has remained the prerogative of heterosexuals, whether single or in a relationship, and has been viewed as something for the desperate and lonely—rather than as a part of our life experience. It’s viewed as a smutty secret for those without basic morals, or sober control. It brings to mind images of alleyway trysts, the quick toilet rendezvous, and dirty hotel rooms paid for by the hour. Yet the one-night stand can be one of the most exciting experiences imaginable—a chance to experiment, as much as to enjoy, a chance to relieve pent-up desires and frustrations, and a chance to live out dreams and fantasies for a few hours.
The main advantage of a one-night stand is the lack of commitment—both parties involved appreciate that this is unlikely to evolve into a longer relationship, and are not seeking anything other than the intimate pleasures of a few hours with another person. On the downside, a one-night stand is still seen as something dirty and abhorrent—often coupled with alcohol, weighed down with recriminations, illicit, and dangerous.
Perhaps it is time to take a new look at the one-night stand, and what it really means for us.
The first point to consider is why a one-night stand has such a bad name, and whether we can live with the possible guilt. The bad name came about, to my way of thinking, through a strict adherence to social morals set in stone by those who consider themselves expert in running our lives for us. They are people we do not know, will probably never meet, and in many cases, people who have left this mortal coil for whatever comes after many years (if not decades) ago. They are also often people who did not adhere strictly to their own morals, and departed political or public life with a tainted name and memory. They are people who openly condemned our way of life, our sexual preferences, and cast those who thought or acted differently in prison. They are people who consider a relationship—in marriage, of course—to be a lifetime contract, with virginity (for the female at least) as a vital necessity. This bad name is compounded by the attitude of the press, whose main income is generated by scandal, revelation, denunciation, and condemnation.
The second point to consider is what we, as individuals, feel about the one-night stand—about sex with a stranger, and without commitment or further responsibility. Are we likely to be plagued by feelings of guilt and recrimination for our actions, or worries about what other people think should our actions be? How have we reacted when we hear that someone we know has had a sordid little affair with a stranger or, to place it in slightly more acceptable terms, an adventure of the most intimate sort? Am I confident enough to enter such an arrangement without inhibitions, and gain pleasure from the experience? Can I give it my best so that my partner achieves the desired heights of pleasure too?
Once we have these considerations out of the way (and they cannot be taken lightly), it is worthwhile looking at how we should go about finding prospective candidates. It is often better to go to an area where you are not well known. It may seem down putting, but fresh meat is far more interesting than someone who is seen in the same places time after time, is well known, and whose habits can be used to set the clock by. Plucking up courage by throwing back a few shots of alcohol before you go out is a very bad idea. Rather, spend the time ensuring that you are clean and presentable, and not to be forgotten, since the outcome of the evening is anything but clear at this stage. Make sure your apartment is free from anything which might cause alarm or second thoughts. Do not assume that you will be spending your passionate time somewhere else, and prepare accordingly.
Choose what you are going to wear carefully. It should reflect your personal characteristics and style. Do not try and appear as something you are not—it’ll be obvious, and you will be disappointed. Likewise, do not over or under dress. Subtlety brings a person far more than a pancake of makeup that needs to be scraped off later, or dry cleaned from the bedsheets!
Do not go into your chosen venue or establishment with the expectation that something is going to happen at once—that everyone is simply waiting for you to appear, and that their lives revolve around you. One-night stands are as much a question of compatibility as of desire. Do not let desperation show by charging up to the first possibility, and throwing out lines. Relax, evaluate, and integrate. Be prepared to chat with several people, but be prepared to be ignored. Above all, do not force yourself upon anyone. Undivided attention can be a killer at the wrong time, just as a lack of attention can destroy all hope when that vital spark has been ignited. Since you are the fresh meat, do not be afraid to have people chat you up, or to make their advances first. Respond, and enjoy the experience.
How you react toward other people is also of importance because the person you may be speaking to is not the only one who could be watching your reactions. Avoid being too intimate at first, and avoid conversations with controversial subjects. You are not here to enter a debating society—the aim is to find a kindred spirit and get laid (to be blunt about it). Let the evening run its course, and do not force anything. When the time is right, you will realize it, and so will your partner for the night. Remember, she has feelings and hopes too, and it might be her first experiment with a one-night stand.
What happens next is entirely up to you and her. I have never trusted any website or manual which tells me how to start getting passionate. We all know that kissing is one of the best styles of foreplay for us women—do not neglect it. Above all, do not rush things! You have the entire night together (unless some other arrangement has been made), so make use of the time. Cater for your partners needs and desires, and they will cater for yours.
Finally, remember that there is also a morning after, and that this precious time is also a part of your one-night stand.