Sex is such a hot, sticky subject these days. (Pardon the pun.) Singles’ sex is especially tricky, and single moms face a whole other set of complicated issues and questions. As a single mom myself, I feel good about the time I’ve taken to focus on becoming a healthy and whole individual. I’ve learned a lot in the last couple of years as a single mom, and I’m excited to be dating someone with some new wisdom and confidence on board. I haven’t decided what I want to do about sex yet, though, and I know I will thank myself if I decide now instead of in the heat of the moment, only to realize the next morning that I’ve let myself down, yet again.
I think Karrine Steffans is right on in pointing out that sex affects women in profound ways unique to our gender. Despite my best efforts to prove that I could do it like a man, I wound up with a series of emotional breakdowns and a baby without a father. I love her advice here: “The decisions you make as a single girl can severely alter the goals and plans you’ve been working toward. Never settle for less than what you ultimately desire in a mate, treat yourself and your body with the utmost respect, and don’t be afraid to be better than; a physical elitist even. For moms, don’t forget you are your children’s prime example and make a point to teach them well.”
I have to wonder, however, if she’s resorting to the kind of scare tactics our middle school health teachers used on us when she says, “Physically, a woman can become worn from the elements of casual sex. A single girl has the potential of sleeping with more than one man on more than one occasion. Not only does this greaten her chances of accidental pregnancy and disease, but also, to be put it gently, the potential for wear and tear. As a visual, imagine the anatomy of a female porn star. I think I’ve made my point.”
Oh, no, she di’ent! Did she just say slutty girls have worn out, tore up vaginas, and then throw porn stars under the bus with us? I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but is it possible that a married woman having sex with only her husband can have as much, if not more sex than a promiscuous single woman? Does that mean her vag is messed up too? Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think sex in and of itself can physically alter our girly parts. In fact, I’m amazed at the resilience of my womanhood after the trauma of childbirth, not to mention the sexcapades that apparently should have made a porn star out of me.
I digress. My point is, I agree that women should treat their bodies with the utmost respect that they deserve. We are not unaffected mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually by who we let into our bodies. It would be nice if we were, but we’re not. But I’m not going to beat myself up for sleeping with the wrong guys, nor will I let anyone make me feel less than adequate because of my past indiscretions. I wish I didn’t have to make some of those mistakes. But I wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t gone through it and chosen to learn from it. So now I just have to figure out when it’s okay to sleep with a guy. That is the eternal question, isn’t it? God help me. To be continued …
Originally published on truconfessions