I have read novels, romances, seen films, and know for sure that the reason that in entertainment they appear so perfect and exciting is because in real life almost the opposite is true. Why so? Because humans have stood by monogamy, even though I feel polygamy—at least in sex—is more to order of human animal reality. We would have to be highly evolved to accept the motion of being married to someone, having a strong emotional connection to them, yet having sex with others to enable the act to be new and exciting.
Sex is not a bad thing at all—it is a good way of touching another body, feeling cocooned in a protective nest, being truly intimate with another person. In this, it is sublime—for I think all people need to feel this protection, this safe harbor. But excitement with the same person, over and over again, for years? Look, it’s me. Let’s allow ourselves to be honest and not out on the masks that society requires us to wear so we may be considered good parents, good wives, husbands, and employees, whatever.
After about five intercourses with the same partner, sex is mostly just about some thrusting and groaning, shoving and groping (and not always effective, I can tell you that). I feel, not only from personal experience but also from the intimate conversations I’ve had with fellow females, that sex is truly “something a woman tolerates.” When she wants children, the motivation is so intense that she’s available for sex at all hours. After she has had the children she wants, she starts planning the frequency that she can endure the act on behalf of a man she has come to like for so many reasons. We put up with the routine, for even thought you may try every position in the Kama Sutra, there are limits to the arrangement of the bodies. (At least as a couple, I won’t enter the world of group sex. Save it for a possible future novel.)
The sequence is usually the same: man thinks he excites woman by sucking here and there, moving dry finger on clitty (Jesus that is SO uncomfortable, you man reading this STOP doing it to your partner), licking nipples. Ah, brilliant, that over with, I can put my pecker in there! Ahoy! Come, come, come. Great, mission accomplished. End of story. Female? Two options: either try to masturbate and climax while riding the man (harder than an MBA) or just get it over with. And although I know that almost all women love to have oral sex done on them, it takes a while to achieve orgasm, this way or any other way. And I have yet to meet a woman who truly enjoys intercourse only with the penis/vagina meeting. In oral sex, though, the longer you take you start worrying about the other person—I mean, surely his tongue must get tired? How can he even breathe down there for so long? (the “so long” is actually only about four to five to six minutes, but it seems an eternity when in this situation). You must have absolute trust and feel completely at ease with the other person so as to expose your genitals in broad daylight, and allow him to masturbate you with his tongue, not concerned about how long you take and how long he has to exercise his tongue muscles. Let him just do what he has to do. Sex is pretty selfish in this way, come to think of it.
Does all this sound bitter? NO, please believe me. I just describe reality the way I see it, but I am not bitter about it. It just is. I accept it, and work around it. My life is no less happier because I know that sex is not all it’s advertised to be on novels (except this one, so God knows if it’ll sell at all).
I think true love requires that much more hand holding and hugging than thrusting. The beauty of just being together, side by side, naked, holding hands. Why is it that a man is incapable of doing this without wanting to fit his sausage in the Suez Canal? Could it be that women are more romantic than men? Although men have undeniably written the greatest known literature and poetry, were these just thoughts to seduce the womb into opening up for the penis? Because in reality, I don’t see that words replace anything physical for the men. If there are exceptions, I imagine it can only be in people who are truly intelligent in every sense of the word. I also imagine that the beauty and satisfaction of sex is in the fact that to actually enter another person’s body is the absolute closest you can be to another. And when love between two people is at its highest, the feeling of being able to fuse into your love’s body and thus symbolically fuse as one must surely be exhilarating.
Here’s the paradox: orgasm is something individual, no matter how much we think we include our partner into it. So it boils down to this: the joy of sex as a couple should be in the closeness, the physical connection that represents the emotional one, and also giving the other person pleasure while delaying our own (for what does loving someone mean if not wanting to give to them more than to yourself?); whereas sex as a physical source of pleasure, and the quest for orgasm, should make more sense in a scenario where changing partners is acceptable. I don’t know, when it comes to sex, if humans are, by nature, truly monogamous. I know they can be when it comes to romantic love.
Selfish spurts, as occur during sex, are necessary sometimes. This does not make it bad. Balance is the key. I mean, face it: ALL of us are selfish in one way or another, it’s just natural. Part of our necessity to acknowledge our existence as individuals, with needs and ways of our own. This is fine—it’s only when our natural selfishness precludes generosity and thoughts towards others that it becomes a problem.