If you are in a new relationship, it may be hard to gauge how much sexual information to tell a new partner. Revealing too much sexual information early in a relationship could be perceived as deviant, whereas not revealing enough information could be perceived as deceptive. However, sexual disclosure in the beginning of the relationship establishes great sexual communication and improves the long-term outcome of the relationship.
What is sexual self-disclosure?
Sexual self-disclosure is the ability to discuss past sexual history, contraception, and sexual desires with your partner. It leads to a more positive and satisfying relationship and sexual experience with your partner. It is also beneficial to the long-term health of a marriage or relationship.
What happens when you don’t disclose?
Some people may have a tendency to become bored within their marriage or relationship. They may have not disclosed all of their sexual likes or dislikes. Some examples: You may have thought about introducing something new into the bedroom but feel as though your partner may criticize or judge. Or you may have had a fetish in a previous relationship and chose not reveal it in the current relationship. Now you long to have that sexual experience. As a result, some people begin look outside of their committed relationships. (Schnarch (1997) has found that it's a lot easier to introduce sexual novelty and undisclosed aspects of eroticism in one night stands or an affair than in your marriage. It's a greater challenge to your sense of self when you're with a spouse. That's why sexual boredom (and affairs) are so prevalent: We demand stability in marriage, and when we get it, we complain that things are always the same.
Sexual self-disclosure benefits the relationship by producing good sexual communication between partners. Sex therapists have suggested that communication in general, and disclosure of specific sexual likes and dislikes between partners in particular, is beneficial to sexual relationships (LoPiccolo & LoPiccolo, 1978; Masters & Johnson, 1976; Russell, 1990). Intimacy is a very important part of a relationship. So, being able to establish good sexual communication in the beginning of a relationship definitely improves the future outcome of relationships. Don’t be afraid to talk to your partner. If they judge or criticize you in the beginning of the relationship, then think twice about committing. You may not be as compatible as you think.
Good luck,
Shuntai Beaugard, Relationship Coach
References:
LoPiccolo, J., & LoPiccolo, L. (1978). Handbook of sex therapy. New York: Plenum.
Masters, W. H., & Johnson, V. E. (1976). Principles of the new sex therapy. American Journal of Psychiatry, 133, 548-554.
Schnarch, D.M. (1997). Passionate marriage: Keeping love and intimacy alive in committed relationships. New York, NY: Henry Holt & Co.
