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Shot in the Pants With Romance

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I was young. I was in love. I was shot in the pants with romance. I dated my husband four years and thought I knew him inside and out when we wed. Thanks to romance I wore rose-colored glasses during our courtship. Romance had me thinking what cute babies my husband would make. On my wedding night I took off my wedding dress and the rose-colored glasses and realized – WOW – I need a new prescription.

Newly married I clearly saw my husband for the man he was, a man who hates to fly. Those darn rose-colored glasses had seduced me into marrying a man who traveled by car only. As I kicked myself in the pants I questioned how I could let this happen. How could I have married a man who hates to fly? My answer – I was young. I was in love. I was STUPID! Had I been thinking with my head instead of my pants the following conversation would have occurred while dating. Me: “Do you like to fly?” Him: “No.” Me: “No?” Him: “Again, no.”
I would have removed Cupids arrow from my pants, shook his hand and walked away. Deal breaker. It was our own version of ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell.’

But, oblivious to this fact and anxious to get to work on making cute babies I hastily scurried down the aisle and upon being pronounced husband and wife was trapped in a no-fly zone for better or worse.
On a road trip with our first cute baby who cried every time the car stopped I prayed, ‘Dear Lord, just get me on a plane.’

On a road trip with our second cute baby I who threw up in the car I prayed, ‘Dear Lord, just get me on a plane.’
On a road trip with our third cute baby when the car broke down I prayed, ‘Dear Lord, just get me on a plane.’
Finally, three cute babies and 25 years later my husband and I celebrated our 25th anniversary and flew on a plane. Sure, flying has changed a lot since my last flight but I didn’t care cause I was going on a plane.
Sure, I was surprised when the guy in front of me at security was charged an additional fee because of a genetic defect, that eleventh toe cost him a pretty penny; but I didn’t care cause I was going on a plane.
Sure, I was surprised when charged a fee because I was bloated and the water retention constituted as excess baggage; but I didn’t care cause I was going on a plane.

Sure, I was surprised when slapped with a fee every time I adjusted my window shade; but I didn’t care cause I was on a plane.

Sure, I was surprised when I called ‘stewardess’ and was told, “We’re flight attendants,” because like I said, “25 years ago you were called stewardess and were all female, Roger;” but I didn’t care that Roger snarled at me cause I was on a plane.

Sure, I was surprised when the pilot announced, “You are now free to move about the cabin,” because there was no cabin. The plane was a tin can with wings. The dwarf in front of me stood up and hit his head on the overhead compartment; but I didn’t care cause I was on a plane.

However, I wasn’t surprised when I looked over and saw my husband in a fetal position and praying, ‘Dear Lord, just get me off this plane.’ It’s now time for him to pay the price for being shot in the pants with romance. The next 25 years I’ll be flying high.

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