I am twenty-nine years old and in love with a guy who is in love with me. We met several months ago, but just a couple of weeks ago he moved thousands of miles away for a job—our relationship wasn’t established enough for him to stay here with me over the job, or for me to quit my job and leave everything behind to move with him. We decided to stay committed since we love each other so much, but I feel so sad that he’s gone. We couldn’t have been more excited to have met each other and spend time together, and now that he’s not physically here, I’m feeling incredibly empty.
We are both getting to a point in our lives were we would like to settle down, but I have family, friends, and a good job here. He had the same, but was having a horrible time finding a good job in his field so he had to relocate. I plan to go back to school and get my master’s degree where I currently live and continue to work at my job. We have talked about what it would take for things to work out between us and he feels strongly that after a year, if we are still in love, that we need to be together. The only thing is that that would probably require me to move, meaning giving up my graduate school program, my job, and my life as I know it. I understand that I might be jumping the gun here, but I don’t know what to do. Should I try dating other people or should I stay open to changing my life around for the man I love?—In Limbo Lanna
Dear In Limbo Lanna,
Dating long distance can be incredibly frustrating, but if there’s an end in sight, I think it can be manageable. It doesn’t sound like he’s able to be flexible with his living/job situation, so if you’re willing to make him a priority, I think you should take a chance and see where this relationship goes! Since you plan to start a master’s program soon, instead of going to school in your town, apply to schools where your boyfriend lives. If you get in, I’m sure your program will help you find a job in your field. If you begin a program where you are currently, it’ll make the decision to leave after a year that much harder.
If the distance between you two is just too hard, I don’t think you should put a time limit on waiting to see if your love will last—you’re in love now and that’s what matters. I know packing up your things and leaving your comfort zone isn’t a small decision, so I suggest taking some vacation time and visiting your boyfriend. While you’re there, really try to imagine what your life would be like if you moved. Get to know the surroundings, do some job hunting, and gauge how it would be to live together. At the end of the day, this is going to be a gut decision so if it feels right, go with it! Your friends and family will always be there for you if it doesn’t work out so don’t let the opportunity to be with the person you love pass you by. Remember, you only live once!
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