Should I Stay or Should I Go?

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If ever there were a time in my life that I needed the wisdom of the Magic 8 Ball it would be now. A question of great significance, a few vigorous shakes, and suddenly, all would become clear. So simple. Instead I am left wondering what to do with no one or nothing to guide me. No friend or trusted relative would have the right answer. They only tell you what you want to hear. No horoscope in the daily news or even Dear Abby herself could offer a solution in one of her columns. In this case, unfortunately the answer lies within me. What is the question, you ask? Allow me to explain.

When you enter into a new relationship with a man or woman there is a point when one or both parties question whether they are right for each other, whether they are compatible enough, whether or not they see a future together, and so on. The question it boils down to is, should I stay or should I go?

In the beginning everything is new and fun and exciting—we’re all familiar with those feelings. That stage of the relationship is what I like to call, being high. I’ve never “been high” on drugs or “high on life” but I have been high in love, or at least infatuation. Nothing bad can happen, he or she is absolutely flawless in your eyes, nothing and no one else matters and suddenly your life has more color, your morning coffee tastes better and the 1 hour phone conversation with your mother rambling on about her next door neighbor’s rose garden doesn’t even phase you anymore because you’re only thinking about your new soul mate.

But then after two or three months go by you have to start to wonder if it’s worth continuing on. You’ve started noticing little things he or she does that annoy you, you spend less time together, you’re not as excited to see each other but you’re still generally happy to be together and enjoy each other’s company. Maybe the sex is phenomenal, maybe you have similar hobbies and interests, maybe your families get along. You see eye to eye on many things but you also have slight differences in personality, values, ambitions, personal goals … but still, there is enough to keep going.

And so, the question should I stay or should I go happens when certain expectations are not being met and you are not sure how much you are willing to give to make it work. Or maybe you need more from the other person and they are unable or unwilling to give more of themselves. Everybody wants what they want. But you can’t always get what you want no matter how much you try. Am I going to give up on this person because they can’t give me everything I need or am I asking too much of them or anyone? Can I lower my expectations and accept what they are willing to give?

The Magic 8 Ball says …


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