Sifting Through the Muck- Dating After 50

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The Partnering Race that Plagues Women Over Fifty

Getting caught up in all the drama of the dating pond is certainly not limited to the young! As I am out and about fanning the fire for my FRITZ Movement, I am connecting with women over fifty – many of whom are fascinating and accomplished. They share that dating continues to present challenges in a number of areas: facing rejections (which will never be anyone’s cup of tea), the lack of dating etiquette (finding behaviors which range from polite to downright rude), and men who want to just be “friends!” The biggest concern they share, however, is that there are too many people pushing their buttons to resume life with a partner, and are left feeling like they can't relax and enjoy this new act of their life, but have been slammed full speed into a "partnering race." Let's take a peek at some of the variances in dating expectations by women over fifty.

Some women over fifty, based on the quality of previous relationships, have much greater clarity about what they want, and become disillusioned when they are ready to consider commitment and the Prince Charming suddenly backs off, preferring his status as a Frog. Frog gets anxious and is not so capable of trust after just a few short weeks.

Women over fifty have shared with me that self-imposed norms and society’s expectations place them in a position of feeling they can’t just date, but have to consider their efforts as being involved in a “partnering race.” This pressure to commit prohibits the ability to allow feelings to develop naturally, even though love is hard to resist at any state of life. Most would prefer to forget the rush of falling in love, and to have plenty of time to search for the right partner, with the right qualities, for the right reasons.

Women over fifty are, for the most part, aghast at the casual morality and bouncing back and forth from failed relationships because not enough time was invested up front in dating exclusively – which they feel allows for consistently being able to show up in the relationship in an emotionally authentic way. Wisdom is the best weapon for battling that old demon – the need to be loved. It allows them to stay out of their heads and remain true to their feelings. This age group tends to embrace the need to “Court” which gives them the luxury of seeing the other person without rose-colored glasses over time, and stand a far better chance of discovering the sweet subtleties of a Frog’s nature. For some… courting is the ONLY way an older woman understands the process of falling in love. Is there a lesson to be learned here?

Women over fifty, perhaps because many have had rewarding relationships, have learned more about resolving issues in relationships, and are less open to partnering with someone who is not capable of being emotionally honest or respectful. Their overall lack of willingness to engage prematurely in the sexual game makes ending a bad dating experience uncomfortable still… but far less complicated. When the hormones are the precursor to a developing relationship, it invariably obscures the problems; merely delaying the inevitable.

Women over fifty are eager to visit with me! In sharing my own dating experiences, others find a way to manage their anxiety of being uncomfortable in a relationship – yet unable to articulate why. Our conversations help them reconsider their dating behavior, with the objective of becoming more adept at understanding the dating pond, being authentic in their needs and wants, and embracing it is their full right and privilege to just slow down the “getting to know you” part of the dating process. After a few conversations… they are more optimistic they are not relegated to participating in a “partnering race.”

Pucker up Princess, There is Work To Do…

Courtesy of Kris Anderson, Author of Kissing Frogs: Tall Tales and Insights from the Dating Pond


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