The single life is exhausting. Dating in the new millennium with millions of choices can be daunting. In 2012, how does a single girl find Mr. Right? Meeting someone can be the easy part. It’s the rest that gets complicated. Often, two people hit it off, but happen to come from very different backgrounds. Sometimes it doesn’t matter, but other times it can mean the demise of the relationship. These days are in the past for me, but I can speak from experience, even if it’s a distant memory.
Since I have been married to a Jewish man for almost twelve years, I have a little bit of experience in interfaith partnerships. A young, Gentile friend of mine has been dating a young, Jewish guy. Their relationship has moved rather quickly, and all before they could have an important discussion about their religious differences. She asked me for advice. I nearly shocked myself when I almost uttered the question, “Does he eat bacon?” This may sound like a silly thing to ask, but I promise you it’s really not. Crazy as it sounds, if my husband was Orthodox or kept kosher, we would have an entire new set of challenges. This is not just because I love bacon and shrimp either, which I do. Not necessarily together, however bacon is good on anything.
I was raised Roman Catholic and could not eat meat on Fridays when I was growing up, so I am somewhat accustomed to dietary restrictions. (I boycotted that rule years ago) But the food thing is minor. It’s the cultural and religious beliefs that are the big deal. I think most any relationship can work if the two people love each other and are committed to one another. And with both people willing to compromise, a priest, rabbi, ketubah, chuppah, and a gospel singer can all end up in the same wedding. What a party that was!
I was fortunate to marry into a Jewish family that was accepting and welcoming on all levels. But this is not always the case. My husband also did not think that it was a priority to marry within the faith, and even though I had a strict Catholic upbringing, I didn’t think so either. Despite our childhoods, he is Jewish-Lite (and does eat bacon), and I am Semi-Catholic (and eat meat on Fridays). Meeting somewhere in the middle, we swear that we will convert to Buddhism!
As for my friend’s situation, if the guy is already telling her that the relationship cannot go anywhere since she is not Jewish, aside from cutting him off, she has two options, well really three:
1. She can ignore it and hope he changes his mind; if not just enjoy it while it lasts, but don’t get in too deep.
2. She can think about converting if their relationship progresses to that point, (but she comes from an Italian Catholic family, so probably not happening in this lifetime).
3. She can dump him now, move on to one of the millions of other eligible bachelors in the world, and eat a B.L.T. for lunch, followed by shrimp scampi for dinner, not look back, and tread lightly next time.
It’s probably a good thing that I am not single, or writing a column on dating. But personally, considering I love food, I would go with option number three.
All kidding aside, what’s my best advice from those single days to girls everywhere?
I am a believer in the three cardinal rules of dating, which are simple enough to be memorized, and can be applied to most any culture or faith:
1. Don’t call.
2. Don’t pay.
3. Don’t sleep with him until he utters the three words every girl longs to hear, and those are not “You look beautiful.”
If you follow these, chances are he will either be long gone before you can even remember his last name, or you will have a great guy who is madly in love with you, and treats you exactly the way that he should, Jewish, Catholic, Buddhist, or other.
It’s all up to you.
