Singlehood vs. Marriedville

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Studies show that “whether by choice or circumstance, many are living in some of the biggest cities, surrounded by millions, and still find themselves alone.”


In this hustling, bustling part of the world, do these studies ring of truth? And if so, is being alone equated with loneliness? I wonder if single women with thriving careers feel that perhaps meeting Mr. Right is simply an elusive fairy tale? That marriage is not for everyone? That maybe, just maybe, there are people who are wired to be married and there are those destined to be single (blissfully?).


Has it come down to the war of single vs. married? What about the once-married-single-again kind? Are they jousting with the singles too, or are they being pitted with the once-married-now-single men/women of their age?


What of the married-with-kids and married-without-kids? Do they have their own battlefield?


Funny that we have become a society of “tags.” Single women, by empirical experience, find themselves often given pithy words of comfort: “you’ll meet him soon,” “someone will surely come your way”—as if these were news to us. How do they know that we do not know that already? Have we suddenly become so idiotic and somehow less spirited that we immediately need rescue words?


Well meaning as they are, these people forget that they are not privy to the deepest thoughts and everyday goings-on in that single person’s life. They forget that perhaps these single women, though not necessarily averse to being with a man, are just okay the way they are—accepting their seasons of loneliness and triumphs. Rolling with the punches, as they say. Nor do they know if singleness for these women is necessarily equated to celibacy (that is of course another topic worthy of lengthy discussion).


It’s a shame really that single men do not get the same kind of attention. They don’t get the comfort words, if I may call them such … and so by that fact alone, single women are forced to be at a disadvantage, even defensive, for well-meaning people already view them as someone in need of kindness, needing comfort, kind words, that tend to disregard (even trivialize) whatever position of power they may have.


Patronize: Verb. To treat one with kindness that betrays a feeling of superiority. If truth be told, a few (not all, ofcourse) “coupled” people show kindness that betrays a feeling of superiority.


Is the air different in “marriedville” or “coupledville”? Is the sun there brighter? Does it storm in that part of the world or is it always sunny?


Is couplehood a norm and singledom an aberration? 


In this day and age of the world becoming smaller because of technology, who is to say what is normal and what is an aberration? Alas, people get by the best way they know how, whether they be coupled or single. We make the most of the cards dealt to us not so much as a form of resignation or surrender but rather, an affirmation of God’s greater plan in our lives. I have always firmly believed that the Lord never makes mistakes and we are all exactly where he has led us.


In the meantime, my faith in God directs me to other ventures in life, which are made all the more exciting by the knowledge that perhaps at the end of the bend of this road I call my life, a new adventure awaits.


P.S. I love the word perhaps. It is so full of promise, yet ironically, full of uncertainty that makes it so tantalizingly inviting. Perhaps … anyone? (Smile smile.)

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