Who hasn’t logged on to their partner’s Facebook, e-mail, or voicemail? Picked up their cell phone and read through their texts after they’ve left the room? After a relationship breakup or divorce it can be the most tempting time to snoop through the ex’s business. But, if you are ever going to bounce back you need to stop snooping! Not only will you come to regret this decision, especially if they find out, but by snooping you are only gaining information you don’t need to know … and delaying the healing process at the same time.
Who cares if there is a juicy e-mail from that co-worker you were always suspicious of when you were together? Do you really need to know? Your feelings are already hurt; your heart is already broken. Help yourself stop twisting the knife by stopping your snooping. You are broken up now. You don’t have a right to know anymore. There is beauty in this! Now you are free to stop thinking, feeling, and spending your precious time and energy on your ex, so enjoy it.
Another amazing thing will happen when you stop searching for the reason you were broken up with, or for validation that you made the right choice to break up: you will gain some serious closure. You will be setting yourself up for a post-breakup situation you can look back and be proud of. In six months from now, you will remember that you held your head up high and actively chose to move on. You will remember that you tried your hardest not to give your ex any credit for the way you felt during this terrible time. By logging on to your ex’s email, Facebook or any other mode of communication, you are giving them the power to dictate your emotions! How sick to think that the person who has your heart hurting and head spinning already, can continue to choose how you are feeling about yourself. Take away their power by controlling your urge to snoop. Take away their power by acting classy when you feel like anything but that.
When you snoop, you are telling your ex and even more importantly, yourself that someone who has hurt you still deserves your time. They do not. I don’t care if you have all of their passwords memorized and you just know you will find something in their inbox from _______ ; make the choice to erase this unnecessary information. You are not a detective, you already have a job right now—to do your best on your own. If it helps, assume the worst has already happened and you will have freed up weeks or months of time that would’ve been spent wondering, on bouncing back!
By Caitlin Goldberg for BounceBack