I thought of you again … the moment I opened my eyes, I start to remember all the torture that I’ve been through for how many weeks. I wake up and one of the first things I thought of was you. The second thing was that you were gone. How can I take you off my mind when you were in it for so long?
You were my everything … the sun in the sky, the air that I breathed, and the ground that I walked upon. I find it hard to let that go … and even though I took away all your photos, your face is still floating in my mind. I still hold on to the memory of your face, the softness of your lips, the roughness of your goatee, your strong arms, and gentle hands. I hear your voice as if you just said something to me, and I struggle to keep that voice in my head, lest I forget it.
I see you everywhere. In my house, I remember the place where you used to sat for dinner, even the place in the attic where we watched the fireworks. I see you in the mall where we would walk hand in hand all the time, proud to have such a good-looking man. I remember the places we stayed, the places we made love, and held each other close. Those memories … those images would be burned forever in my mind and even if I were old and gray, I would still remember those days where love had resided.
I’m sad that you are now just a chapter in my life and not a part of the conclusion. I’m sad that I would never see your face, feel your body, or hear your voice the same way again. I’m afraid to face a future that would be lonely for a while. But I’m happy that it happened … I’m happy to have had experienced the perfect love. If I could do it all over again and if I had known that loving you came also meant losing you in the end, I would have done it anyway. I pray to God that one day I will experience that same love again.