You say you have a good sex life, right? But maybe it could be a smidgen better? Well, take a gander through this list and see how many offenses you’re guilty of!
1. Poor Diet
We’re not really giving away much of a secret when we say that, on average, the American diet is about as healthy and well thought out as a vacation in Iran. The body is a machine—much like your laptop. If you insert a cheeseburger into your CD drive, the computer’s not going to work so. Same goes for you: every morsel of trans fat you consume slows down your own internal CPU—which, in case you didn’t know, in turn slows down your sex drive. And that’s assuming it doesn’t leave you impotent.
2. Lack of Exercise
Assuming you don’t practice sex by cell division (not that we’re picking on the amoebas), sex is work. And if all you can do is lay there and hip-wriggle, chances are that neither you, nor your partner, are getting a lot out of it. Take a Pilates or Yoga class—a strong core and good breathing makes for amazing stamina in the sack!
3. Lack of Proper Rest
The average American gets about six hours of sleep per night. Doctors recommend eight hours. We suggest that you go to the bedroom early with your partner, get down and dirty for awhile, and then nod off in each other’s arms—before Letterman comes on. You’ll wake up feeling doubly refreshed—and wanting to do it again.
4. Poor Planning
When you’re young and utterly devoid of responsibility, you can depend on spontaneity to get things done for you. However, adulthood and its subsequent troves of marital obligations, parenthood, pot-lucks and job status have a habit of suffocating all the spontaneity out of your life—which is why you have to consciously make time for the good stuff (you know, like sex). That last dishwasher load can wait ‘til tomorrow; so can the recyclables, the oil change, and “Just ten more minutes!” spent playing WoW. Instead, turn off the computer, let the dishes soak—and bring a little WoW into the bedroom. You’ll feel better about it in the morning.
5. Your Children
It’s ironic, isn’t it, that the chief by-product of sex is something that can keep couples from ever having sex again? Kids are great, but unless Mommy and Daddy get some grown-up time together—alone—your nuclear family may suffer a meltdown. We know it’s important to make time for each other, yet we often skip it in favor of the Next Thing on The Never-Ending To-Do List. So, just stop it. The happier you and your partner are, the happier the kids are—and the happier the entire family is. Either that, or you can keep waiting for the day that the last one turns eighteen.
6. Listening to Bad Advice
Whether it’s Cosmo, Marie Claire, Esquire, Ask Men, or anything airing on VH1, it’s a fact that we are constantly bombarded with bad advice. If you’re a woman, you’ve been lectured incessantly about cankles. If you’re a man, you’ve been lectured to not tolerate cankles, even if you have the beer gut of Peter from Family Guy. When in doubt, just ask yourself: What would Dr. Ruth do?
7. Too Much TV
Look, we know that Lost is fab, and that it’s impossible to sleep without being bloviated at by the three-headed hydra of Bill O’Reilly, Keith Olbermann, and Rick Sanchez. But this is why we invented TiVo: so you can get laid and then watch your shows in the morning. Besides, most TV is markedly better when consumed in a semi-waking state, between slurps of coffee and yelling at kids to get ready for school (unless you like to fantasize that you’re having sex with Jon Stewart, in which case, you can leave the TV on)
8. Lack of Brain Food
Yogi Berra once said that “Baseball is 90 percent mental—the other half is physical.” The same can be said of sex. Stock up on your Omega-3 fatty acids—like salmon, walnuts, and kiwifruit—and feed your brain before you ask it to get you off.
9. The Boredom Factor
Sometimes the spark is barely even visible anymore. It happens. But that doesn’t mean you have to cloister your sexuality away like a cleric. It just means that you have to think outside of the box a little—try a new position, or a sex toy, or maybe a little roleplaying. Play naked Scrabble, with new rules—every word has to have a sexual function. The first player to accumulate 10 words wins…and we’ll let you work out the winner’s, ahem, booty for yourselves.
10. Lack of Communication
When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you begin to rely on a kind of couples’ shorthand. You tend to think your partner knows what you’re thinking, what you want, when you’re in the mood—or why you’re pissed off. Guess again. Just because you think they know what you’re thinking doesn’t mean that they do—especially when you’re pissed off. Good sex is about mutual desire. If you’re furious that your partner didn’t do what you thought they should, you’re not likely to be up for a night of hot fun. Likewise, if you are up for a night of hot fun, let your partner know. They more you communicate, the more you will have sex, and the better that sex will be. Trust us. We know about this stuff. We asked Dr. Ruth.
Originally published on Sexis