The Truth About Jakob and Harrison

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Online dating the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.

This past spring I met Jakob. He told me he was a corporate fraud investigator for a company like Kroll. He claimed to have a Masters degree in Criminal Justice from San Jose State University. The funny thing about Jakob was that he kept flaking. Our attempts to meet were met with cancellations and excuses. After the third time I gave up and blocked him from being able to contact me. While I was able to ascertain that he was not an imposter there seemed to be an anxiety about him. Something was off. My radar eventually went on high alert with him. From the start I ignored my intuition because my gut sense felt a trepidation over him. I couldn't quite place it at first but there was lie in the background. My unease was hinting at something. In truth, Jakob was a loss prevention security guard at Abercrombie & Fitch. My girlfriend had no memory of him at San Jose State in the very program he claimed to have graduated from. That is because he never went.

A month later I met Harrison. Like Jakob he too cancelled two meetings because of work but my reaction to him was very different. There was no sense of Harrison being a flake. Rather it just felt like his reason for not making the date was because of work. Harrison said he was an engineer for a technology company in the South Bay. With the kinds of projects he was working on it just made sense. Unlike Jakob he disclosed to me that he had been divorced and already a parent. So my gut sense didn't alert me. I was right. When Harrison and I finally met it was because he suddenly had the time and asked to meet downtown. Usually I would have declined but something told me to go. Glad it did. Harrison was the real deal in more ways than one. Everything Jakob wanted to be and misrepresented himself as … Harrison is and more.

Two different dates. Two distinct experiences. The same behavior but two very different reactions. One man was lying and he made me nervous and anxiety ridden. Another man was open and he gave me a comfortable feeling. I thought I really did like Jakob. I did but it was a tightrope feeling. It turned out that I quite liked Harrison alot more and it was grounded almost peaceful sentiment. Neither worked out. Jakob I frooze out while Harrison put me in the friendzone. The perils of online dating are just that. Plenty of people but not always a connection worth mentioning. Neither are a reason to give up but I deleted all my online dating profiles tonight. Instead I opted to try which focuses on getting to a first in person date fast. Emails, text messages, and phone calls are only good for so long.

Despite a connection online and offline you could still end up single. Why? It's all about intention. People go online with different reasons and too many options can work for or against you. I'd rather feel the spark for the first time in person rather then relate to a profile like I was shopping. That's one of the issues with online. It can reduce you in some people's minds to an item on the screen and human beings are so much more than that. Sometimes I want to do an experiment. Create an online profile based on a famous person and use a picture of said figure in their 20's or 30's but modernized. Something tells me they may not be as successful as one would think. Why? Because online dating can foster a false and shallow notion about others. They aren't real people. Just commodities to select from. We are all guilty of doing that online. The medium makes us so. In that we get an experience that is more or less than we expected.

And yes … I would have been very happy if Harrison felt the same way about me but instead I am on HowAboutWe. As for Jakob, I'm glad he wasn't feeling it for me at the time after all. Had he did and met me I would never have met Harrison. At least Harrison was a nice benchmark to prove that there are men out there instead of overgrown boys. My intention is that someone new will eventually make me glad Harrison was just not into me.


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