“The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved.”
Technology is here. Internet is everywhere. A friendly greeting via IM (Yahoo Messenger) started it all.
In July 2010, I was having a relaxing night at home when a message popped on my screen saying hi/hello ASL. Age: 27. Sex: Male. Location: U.S. The fact that he was from United States and a Caucasian brought me excitement. I love meeting guys who speak English fluently, someone who can tell me about Disneyland World, Universal Studio Hollywood in CA and all. Here comes a guy I can chat with about some of my interests.
After six years of not going online and chatting with strangers, I guess this is another first time for me to enter the chat room out of my boredom. Going back eight years ago, I used to be fond of chatting and I had more or less fifty chat mates from all races both male and female all over the world. It’s very fascinating to make friends with them sharing your thoughts, beliefs, and cultures. I remember those times, when a guy from NYC always did my assignment on College Algebra no wonder why I got the perfect score in our take home exam. No matter how fond I was, it never happened to me that I fell in love to any of them. Having an “online relationship” was not my cup of tea. I have this Indian-American friend, Aussie, Dutch, British, Mexican, Italian and Nigerian guy I met online, but non of them captured my heart and never had this special attractions over them. That was long ago, and after I graduated college, I quit chatting and had to abandon my old MSN Messenger when I realized that I still didn’t find a nice guy.
On the other side of the connection is him a guy named Andy who is living in Austin, Texas. He was finding someone in the Yahoo room to chat with. There he found my name and delighted to know that I’m Filipina—maybe because he had visited Philippines a couple of times and was already familiar with the place and our culture. What’s really amazing is, he had been to Boracay Island, the famous beach resort that is situated on the next island where I used to live and grew up. As a conversation starter, he sent me an IM. Lucky for us, Filipinos having two official languages: Filipino and English. We don’t need to burn a hole in our pockets to be able to speak English. So I was a bit excited to chat with him. He knows that the other reasons why I’m chatting him, is to be able to practice my English. Well, at the back of my mind there’s something sweeter than that behind it—I really wanted to be with him every minute of my life and I really enjoyed his presence as well. He makes me laugh, makes me blush, and makes me giggle that anyone can’t do. I think I was in love with him the first time I saw his face on the webcam. The first time I saw his smile for me he is the cutest guy I’ve ever seen on the entire Universe. Anyone who doesn’t believe in “love at first sight” might raise their eyebrows for what I said and so did I. But the moment he said good bye, there was a pain molded inside me associated with lots of “what ifs.” What if he won’t come online again? What if that night was our first and last chat and so on…
To continue, virtual friendship has started and after two weeks he said that he’s starting to love me. Wow, that was too fast—we even had this intimate moment in our second meeting and we both feel passion, excitement and love. Unlike any other relationship, there’s no courting happened—a “Yes or No” scenario just like in movies—a guy asking a girl to be his girlfriend something like that. In our case, we just woke up one morning feeling that I’m already his wife and he is my hubby. That was the coolest endearment I ever heard in my entire life. I feel like we are one, he is part of every cell, tissue, and limb of my body. Without him, my life will be worthless. He gives me life, he gives me strength, and he gives me direction. He is the most precious gift I’ve ever received from above.
Regular chatting continued. Every other day or twice a week, we would talk as if it was the thing that can complete our days. A week after, he couldn’t hold himself in anymore and without any hesitation told me that he loves me so much. He even told me of his plans of marrying me next year and having our honeymoon in Brazil. Wow, I was shocked. Coming here in the Philippines to visit me means a lot to me how much more telling me he’ s going to marry me. If he will say that again right to my face, I will maybe fall on my knees or even pass out.
Just like any other relationship, a storm came to us to test our love. I thought I’m going to lose him, and this fairy tale will come to an end. I don’t know what to do; it seems the world stopped for me. I love him so much, he taught me how to love, and he inspired me in every way. He is my hero, my best friend. He is the reason why I can compose a good poem, and I am now eager to pursue my writing. It is also because of him why I am writing this beautiful love story—because he believes in me that I can make it, that everything is possible. I know he is going to be proud of me. I would never give him up. I somehow fought for my love. There are maybe other storms to come to sweep us apart, but I’ll remain strong for him, because I believe Love conquers everything.
I finally realized that he was the man I wanted for my life. The virtual love affair has deepened that we were almost having each other (virtually). We spent time talking almost three to four hours. We made dreams and made a life through bandwidth. His plan of going to Philippines after Christmas has been awaited. We are both counting the days, and we are both excited to see each other. January, February has passed by but he hasn’t come. I was so sad and so disappointed. But I tried to understand that his job is really more important. He will be assigned to other country and that’s the reason why he can’t come over. I love him and I’m willing to wait.
Back to reality, back to our virtual world. However, this virtual love will remain virtual and it will never happen for real. Yes, it ends here. I just woke up one day that this guy whom I love so much will never be mine. He passed away this March 2011. The most painful thing is I was not there for him, I was not able to see him and embraced him for the last time. I was not given the chance to tell him how much he means to me. It is more acceptable when he couldn't come because he found someone else, that he got married, but the most tragic part was he was killed innocent and after his last breathe he was keep on calling my name and on his right hand a key chain with my name on it was found filled with blood.
I guess, not all love stories from online dating just like mine has a happy ending, not all dreams come true. I just want to accept and pray that maybe God has better plans for me. Things in life happen for a reason and now I came to realize why these things happen. First, to teach me to be more careful and not to give all your love to someone you never met in person. Secondly, it made me realized that love can be real and genuine even online, Thirdly, never be attached to promises and never ever expect too much because it will cause too much pain when you fail something—just let go and try to move on.
Every people in this world meet their destiny, sometimes at dating sites, bus stations, in coffee shops, or in a Wedding Party and each of them has their own love story to tell – so sweet, so amazing and so lovable. It’s nice that they had already met their perfect match; it is so good that some already find the one that will complete them. While me, I’m still searching, still waiting, and ready to start again to start having a new love story. I’m still asking the same questions. Is there a sequel for my love story? Am I able to find the right love for me?
How about you? What is your love story? Tell me.