Was It Love or Desperation ( Part 1)

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I met a man at work about two years ago. We were just work associates, and said hi when we saw each other occasionally. All that changed a year ago. We work in an automotive factory; he is a relief operator and sometimes fork truck driver and he is a shop steward for our UAW local, and I was a machine operator. One day while he was on a fork truck, he saw me and stopped by to chat. After, that day he stopped by to chat a few times a week, then it became every day. One such day he gave me his cell phone number; he did not ask for mine. But I gave it to him the next day. He would look for me and I would look for him. It got to the point where I got used to looking for him. We had breaks together, he started walking me to my car every day, and we would talk for a while before he went home. This went on for six months. Then it got serious.

He had to go out of town for a week for some classes given to officers of the UAW. He called me every night before I went to sleep. He would call me when I got home from work and we would talk in the afternoon, too. I would lie in bed and talk to him for hours. We had deep discussions, and we had light, carefree discussions. We learned a lot about each other during those nights. He tried to get me to have phone sex with him. I was shy at first, but I finally got into it. I had asked him if he was going to stop by when he got back to town before he went home. He said he wasn’t sure; he would call me if he could. This was the first time he came over. Being a shy girl I wasn’t sure what to expect when he came over, didn’t know if he wanted to talk or what. We stood in the dining area for a while and we made small talk, then he just kissed me. Just a fast one. It surprised me, I didn’t expect it.

You see I have never been kissed before; as a matter of fact I was still a virgin at thirty-something. He is five years younger than me. I never expected anyone would be physically attracted to me. I don’t consider myself pretty, and I am a big girl. I have never had a boyfriend. So I know absolutely nothing about being in a relationship with a man. 

Anyway, he wrapped his arms around me from behind and held me for a minute, and I asked him to come and lay down with me. He did, it was an awkward moment at first, then he started kissing me again, and other things. I had to stop twice because I didn’t think I could go through with it, I was scared, and uncertain. He took my hand and asked if I was okay, and if I had a boyfriend before, when I told him I hadn’t, he said you have never been kissed before, he made it a statement, not a question. He said he was afraid of that, and I was sure he would get up and leave, but he didn’t, he just pulled me in his arms, and held me and kissed me some more and he said he loved me. No one ever told me that before, but, I couldn’t tell him how I felt, because I wasn’t sure how I felt. I didn’t know if it was love or infatuation.

He came over again several more times before the end of the year and our fateful Christmas party. We talked, we wrestled, we had foreplay, but we never made love. I had finally told him I loved him. Since I had never loved anyone before and no one ever loved me, I opened myself to give him all the love I had and to receive it, too.

At the Christmas party I met his wife. I knew he was married when I first met him two years ago. He has two young children. His wife knew about me, we just never met before. I avoided him at first, and then when I went past his table, he stopped me and said hi, and introduced us. I sat and talked with them the rest of the evening. His wife was very pretty and very nice. She had some of my physical traits. She was big like me, and had dark hair like me; she wore glasses, too, like me. So, after that evening things went bad, then from bad to worse.

Our plant was shut down for two weeks during the Christmas holiday. He called me late Christmas night to see how things went for me. I live alone with two cats. My entire family lives in another state. So, I had no one to spend the holidays with. So he called to check up on me. I heard his wife in the background. That was the first time he talked to me with his wife around. Talk about awkward. I didn’t talk or see him again until after the first of the year.

He came over for my birthday and we watched a movie, and he left. We still talked at work, had some breaks together, he still walked out with me. But, something changed and I couldn’t put my finger on it. He was more closed off; he spent less time with me. He was never very open, anyway; he didn’t like to talk about himself. One day, I was in the break room at work and he came in with a new cell phone, and wanted me to put my number in it, and give me his new number. I guess he got free texting with his plan, because that was when we started texting each other. So we could talk during the day, even though we were on different sides of the plant. We started to engage in “sex text.” That was more fun than the phone sex. It got to the point where I told him that if I don’t get to reap the benefits of the “sex text” then I wanted to stop. And that was the last of it.

Part 1 | (Part 2)



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