I recommend that it’s better to view a situation that you take offense to from a different perspective. It allows you to think more clearly before jumping to the wrong conclusion. We’ve all heard the old saying, “Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.” When you’re having a disagreement, let’s get real, it’s hard too. When your hackles are raised because you think that another person has slighted you, trying to discern their intent is typically not the first thing that comes to mind. Though, it really should be, especially in this passionate world of dating, where the mating ritual seems to cause people to do, and say some stupid things. That’s why it is so important to understand the person’s intent behind their words.
Recently, I met a really nice guy who asked me out on a date. Unfortunately my schedule was booked for a while due to the nature of my business and I asked for a date the following month. We ended up being at another event together and had a brilliant conversation. Luckily, my schedule was free the next weekend and I gave him my phone number. All’s well, right?
He didn’t call until day five, which surprised me. After no call by day three, I wrote him off. NOTE TO DATING SINGLES: The three-day rule for calling someone is not meant for people you like. Call them the next day if you really connected. You want to see them again, don’t you? The three-day rule is for politely letting someone know that you’re not interested in them (by not calling them). So, you can see my quandary. Confusing to say the least, yet it intrigued me. Why is he calling me now?
But here’s the rub, we engaged in a pleasant conversation for an hour, and then he let the wind out of my sails. “Hey, I met someone at your event.” Which is fabulous, don’t get me wrong. That’s why I do what I do … to get people connected. But again, why is he telling me this now? Then another blow, when he said that he really wanted to date me, he knew it instantly when he met me. Though, now that he’s dating someone, he doesn’t feel right about asking me out. Now, wait for it, wait for it…
“But, if she kicks me to the curb, I’d really like to go out with you.”
YIKES! My ego just stood up, saluted and said, “that’s gonna leave a mark.”
“Danger, Danger, Will Robinson!” NOTE TO GUYS: NEVER, and I mean NEVER tell a woman that she’s your back-up in case your other “relationship” falls through.
No woman wants to hear that she’s your second choice! In the minds of women, you’ll be labeled a player when you pit one woman against another like that. Not, in your best interest, gentlemen.
If on the other hand, your intent is honorable and you’re just trying to let the girl down gently, then tell her the simple truth, “you’re not interested,” but only if she asks. Better yet, don’t call her at all. Really, guys, it’s okay. Our ego will thank you for it.
So, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. He really is a nice guy. There was no malice in his voice. I’m chalking this guy up to being naïve and not knowing the correct way to let me down easy. Better luck next time, buddy. This ship has set sail. Bring me that horizon!