What is love?
I know what it’s not for. I escaped the wrath of marriage to an abusive man for ten years, and thought I finally found someone that really loved me for who I was inside. My heart had been ravaged and reborn with “him” and I thought for certain he was the one that was true and could make up for my past. I experienced rapture and was validated as a woman for the first time in twenty years with him. He was my friend and the confidant that I never had before. He made me feel special and loved and redeemed and validated for once in my life. Through him I learned to “trust” and love again.
I divulged to him my dreams, my secrets, the haunting of my pain of abuse in my life and he held me as I cried. He shared the same with me. I thought we were in love and would be together until the end of time. I felt alive and beautiful again in his eyes. He taught me how to love and laugh again. I will always be grateful to him for that.
I took care of him in ways no one ever had by making sure he had what he needed in life and made his life easier because I was there by his side and fought his battles with him. I also supported him financially, and could not see through his affection that there was any ulterior motive. I believed in him. I trusted him.
After three years, he decided to leave me and vanish from my life for I was no longer needed or wanted. I was devastated and felt betrayed. I am still crying over him and tired of “crying over men who betray me.” It’s true, I had supported him financially though his “hard times” and now I was gone like the wind.
Where is his love for me? How do I learn to love myself again?
What is love? I ask myself that all the time.