Sometimes, life can just get in the way. Sometimes, when you have a job, when you have kids, when you’ve been married forever, when you have bills and deadlines and obligations, sex just seems like way too much work. You know, when your mind is on problems or when you really want to make it good for your partner but after being together forever there is nothing new in your bag of tricks (or like me you never really had a bag of tricks).
When you can’t focus on your own pleasure because you want so badly for everything to be good for your partner, this is when sex is just like work. But sex should be like waking up. It should be like when you’ve been on a really long and exhausting vacation and all you really want is to get home to your own house, your own bed and those 900 thread count sheets that are crisp and clean and just waiting for you. It should be like having the best, most relaxing sleep ever. The type of sleep that is dreamless and you wake up feeling warm and rested and ready to take on the day.
Aging has a great many drawbacks, but it has some benefits as well. One of the best things about getting older is learning to focus and enjoy those things that may be small or fleeting but make up all the best moments of life. As I have gotten older I have learned to really, really enjoy those few precious moments at the end of each day in the arms of my best friend. I have learned to ignore my sagging breasts and mommy tummy (hubby makes it easy because he ignores them too). I have learned to forget those extra pounds. (Whenever I mention a diet hubby says sweet things like, “Darlin, I’m from the South. I like a biscuit not a triscuit and I like you just like you are.”)
I have learned to let go of the cares of the day and the anxiety and expectation associated with sex and just enjoy each moment. I enjoy the breathe-me-in moment and the making-me-melt moment. I enjoy the moments that make the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up and the moments that make me catch my breath. I enjoy the moments full of laughter and the moments when he tells me how he’s thought of only me all day long … I enjoy the complete exhaustion and the good night’s sleep that comes after. And I have learned to enjoy every single second of each and every moment that I get to rest in his arms.
I’m very lucky. I get to enjoy the strength and protection of the one I love. I get to rest in his arms knowing that I am completely adored and free to adore him. I get to enjoy sex that’s like waking up, to the sun on my face on a cold winter’s day. It’s like being in an oversized bed, with a warm and wonderful down comforter and 900 thread count sheets that have hung on the line to dry in the sun. Sheets that smell of fresh air and wind and grass. Life just doesn’t get any better and neither does sex.