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When Good Women Love Bad Men

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I see it over and over. Great woman, smart, beautiful, successful, madly in love with Mr. Could Not Be More Wrong. What in the world is this all about? Let’s call her Amanda. She’s a divorcee in her late fifties. Good-looking. Lovely home. Gainfully and successfully employed. Gorgeous clothing. Beautiful expensive car. Well traveled. Intelligent and charming. For the last ten years she’s been living with Terry. He’s an ex-convict, unemployed, unattractive, and uncouth. Terry is verbally abusive to Amanda and may even hit her. Amanda has been supporting him for years, and she says she “loves him.” Her friends and family have been avoiding her for years because of the relationship with Terry.

Another woman friend of mine is a creative genius, beautiful and charming. She lives with a man who is verbally abusive to her, as well as being unfaithful. Still, she stays because she “loves him.” At least in this instance, she is not supporting him financially.

Jenny is bright and beautiful and very successful. She lives with David, an alcoholic and drug user, who is chronically unemployed. He gets jobs but can’t keep them. They have been together for nearly twenty years. Jenny worries about David’s health, but he and she refuse to address his addictions. It’s the elephant in the room. He’s emotional and so sensitive. Uh huh. Jenny assures me that she “loves him.”

I can’t help but wonder what is going on with these women. Do they have low self-esteem for some reason? Are they women who feel like they can “fix” a man? Are they just that afraid of being alone? The interesting part is that I doubt any two women’s reasoning is exactly alike. I think there are people who feel that they are powerful enough to change another person and it can oddly enough be an ego trip for them. Strange creatures, humans.

I cannot help but feel that you do not “love” someone who isn’t good to you. Being good to you includes pulling their own weight financially, as well as treating you in a way that makes you happy, not miserable.

I could have titled this article “When Good Men Love Bad Women” because the same things apply. I know a number of great guys who seem to fall for selfish, conniving, cheating, unstable women, usually over and over again.

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